Queen Saigon: A Short Prose

180410120024/E

Summary: A girl who stops living the present.

I.

She had been sitting on the bench outside her house for hours holding a bag of money. Her mind had never been so bizarre like that day.

“I wish God would forgive me. I need to leave now.”

Walking to the Hours Company took an hour from her house, especially when the day started to wane, since the officers were everywhere. She had to avoid them. Hours Company was a high old-fashioned building located in the T city’s downtown and decorated by classy stuffs. The streets said that it was the place where clock stop ticking and people stop living the present. Their body changed, yet their mind remained the same.

“We have no idea whether they come from past or future.”

She entered the building and directly registered herself. There was none looking at her. She was not stylish as the rich people were. They wore expensive textile while she wore faded cloth her father gave at her 18th birthday, last year. After registering herself, she sat embracing a bag of money on the leather sofa crafted to comfort the customer.

“Renata?” the oval-faced time lady officiating in the registration desk called her name as she approached the desk. “Welcome to Hours. Can I help you?”

“I want to go back to the past,” said Renata.

“Well, it costs 60,000 Gil.”

She was astounded, “What about travelling to the future?”

“It charges cheaper. I am sure you can use this facility with that bag of money.”

She was brought to a bright room surrounded by silver watches in every side. Staring continuously at those clocks, she was asked by the time lady whether it was peculiar to her or not. She nodded.

“Put your time destination, please,” the time lady provided Renata a spherical remote similar to her television remote she hid from her father.

“You do not have any last name, don’t you?” asked the time lady.

“I had. Here, I have set my destination.”

“You do not have any siblings, don’t you?”

“I had. Can we go on?”

The time lady walked out the room leaving Renata by the clocks’ ticking like human’s heartbeat.

II.

The waned sunshine fell on her face. Her heart beat fast. She knew that beat. It was the beat she heard as she was about to go to the future, to that day, last night. She stood in front of an unused building across the Hours building.

“Now, it is time for you to leave” said the big eyed girl standing next to Renata, “Is the Hours peculiar for you?”

Renata shook her head.

“The future is uncertain. I could not see you anymore,” said Renata.

“I will miss you. Go!”

“Thank you. I am Renata Saigon, by the way,” Renata went to the Hours for the second time.

“I knew,” the big eyed girl murmured.

III.

“The officers should guide me everywhere I go, yet now they are occupied looking for a beggar like you,” a big eyed girl wearing classy textile approached Renata standing in the rooftop of old building across the Hours. The building was going to be reconstructed into a factory producing cars without tires,

“By the way, you resemble my mother. I love your long brown curly hair,” said the big eyed girl.

“Do you know me?” Renata rotated her body. She saw a girl taller than her.

“You are town’s fugitive. Sorry for calling you a beggar. You have a bad fashion style, lady,” She showed Renata a shabby poster she got from street, “I am Daisy, by the way. I waited for my mother at Hours, and then I saw you, the girl who is on poster.”

A bullet was fired from a helicopter that suddenly came from nowhere. The helicopter obstructed the shine of rising sun. The girls were shocked.

“We have to move. The officers are here,” Daisy immediately grabbed Renata’s hand and took her inside the building, “Did you do something wrong?”

“I did. I killed my father in the past. He was drunk all the time. He was a jerk,” They hid in the building.

“Killing is the most unforgivable sin in this city,” said Daisy.

“I regretted. I took all of his money then came to Hours to remedy it, but travelling to the past is expensive. I chose to go to the future to know how my following days are. I regretted again. I want to go back to the past, yet I do not have enough money.”

Outside the building, the officers continuously fired the building.

“We can barely change our past. It is close to certain, yet future is uncertain,” said Daisy, “I will help you. Here, use this phone and tell my father that you kidnap me. You can ask him to give you lot of money.”

Renata halted.

“You will not get arrested. This is the only way to fix the present and the past,” Daisy urged her.

IV.

“I brought you money you asked,” The governor, Daisy’s father, gave Renata a brown suitcase, “You have kidnapped her for 6 hours. Release her, please.”

Renata acted like a real kidnapper. She did not longer grip Daisy’s hand. Daisy ran to her father.

“You can take your daughter home,” Renata received the suitcase put in the broken building’s floor.

“She looks like mother, doesn’t she?” Daisy whispered. She hugged her father. The governor smiled.

“Now, I want your daughter to accompany me out of the building. I guarantee you she will be safe, for I will not harm her,” asked Renata.

V.

She sits on the bench in front of her house. She sees her father holding an alcohol and a daisy.

“I picked it from the park next to grandma’s house,” he gives it to Renata.

She is blank, “My little Daisy was lovelier than this one.”

Thanks a load to:

1. Muhammad Iqbal Al-Ghifari, for stopping me to write a violent story.

2. Mia Sofianingsih Arief, for helping me on drawing the story’s dramatization.

References:

1. About Time (2013)

2. Ambrose Bierce’s “An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge”

Word Count: (967)

Link for work dramatization: http://zhrfauzia.tumblr.com/image/83598460359

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5 thoughts on “Queen Saigon: A Short Prose

  1. 180410120072/A

    Honestly, I get a little bit confused in rearranging the sequence of the story after reading the whole story to grasp the ending, but I like the way the narrator portrays the place and time setting in the story clearly through the narration which becomes a strong element in this story because it helps me as the reader to imagine the situation of the future world which is referred by the writer. Well maybe what I imagine is only similar to the writer’s, but I think for this story’s genre which is science fiction, where the writer builds a subsequent world, the writer has made a success of taking the reader to the new world.

    Like

    • I intentionally randomize the sequence of the story to invite the readers to rearrange the story’s sequence which I made based on the way Ambrose Bierce arranging his short prose, An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge; because I want the readers to travel the time while reading my work and not to directly read the story from up to the bottom. By the way, thank you for making a time to read my work :).

      Like

  2. 180410120041/B

    I agree with the comment above, I found it a little bit confusing to understand the sequence of the story. However, the division of part of this story makes it become more apparent.
    Overall, This story is great and I love it. I think that the way you convey this story will makes the reader should think intricately to understand it and also in a vague way, it makes the reader will decide their own conclusion about the events of this story. It seems to me that, firstly Renata went to the future and inadvertently met their future daughter, Daisy. Then, with the help from Daisy, Renata went to the past to fix her mistake, isn’t it?

    Word count: 117

    Like

  3. 180410120085/E

    Actually, I like the way you build the story which is about time traveler. Unfortunately, I am little bit confused that there’s too much rearranging sequences. Even so, the author succeeds in making me, as the reader, can imagine the situation clearly due to the illustration of place and time setting. But, after I read the story through the end, I just can get what is used by Renata as an intermediary thing for going to the future and past. Usually, in science fiction especially about time traveler, the author uses an object as intermediary thing for distinction between past, present, and future.

    Like

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