Revenge by a Satan Child: A Short Prose

180410120124/F

Summary: Caralissa uses a Satan child to revenge for Nathan who killed Aurellia, Caralissa’s best friend.

At Mekar Villa, Puncak Bogor, there stayed ten sophomore students of Persada University who wanted to celebrate the New Year 2015. On the New Year’s Eve, they planned to go out to see fireworks together. However, Caralissa couldn’t join them to go out, because she’d got headache, and preferred to sleep at the villa. Aurellia, who was Caralissa’s best friend, also didn’t join. She worried about her best friend and accompanied Caralissa. Nathan, who was Aurellia’s boyfriend, also went with Aurellia.

When fireworks started, Caralissa woke up and went to Aurellia’s room. She opened Aurellia’s door smoothly. Suddenly, she witnessed Aurellia being stabbed by Nathan. She was appalled and then went to her car. Nathan left Aurellia and chased after Caralissa. Sadly, Nathan couldn’t catch Caralissa, she moved faster.

The day after tomorrow, while people were gossiping about Aurellia’s mysterious death, Caralissa and Nathan didn’t appear in class. Caralissa moved to her grandparents’s home in Yogyakarta and went to University of Yogyakarta. Nathan moved to Singapore to study Chemistry in National University of Singapore.

One day in Yogyakarta, Caralissa walked in a desolate road. She heard about a baby’s crying. In the edge of the rice field, near the road, there was a nude girl baby crying alone. She felt so pity about that baby. She thought that the baby’s parents had no heart. Suddenly, a weird critter appeared from the middle of the rice field. The critter has a very ugly and terrifying face like Ryuk in Death Note. It said hello to Caralissa. Caralissa felt very scared and decided to go. But, the critter said “I’m the baby’s mom. I let you to take care of her until she becomes a beautiful adult. I know you have revenge with someone. So, I send her to help you when she is adult to avenge the man.” Caralissa stopped her steps.

She turned over her body into the weird critter. “I still don’t believe you are her mom. She’s a human. What kind are you? You scared me by your face.” Caralissa cried to the weird critter. “I am a Satan and the baby is a Satan who has shape like human, because I had done sexual intercourse with a human.” The Satan explained smoothly to Caralissa. Caralissa asked, “What can she do to revenge to the man?” The Satan explained again, “Some of my characters are in hers. I can kill people by my strength.”

Caralissa thought that this was a good chance. “Okay, I will take care of the baby, if she can’t kill the man, I will return her to you and don’t let her live in this earth.” Caralissa made a deal with the Satan. “Okay, deal. Be careful with her, she’s stronger than human, than you” the Satan gave the baby to Caralissa. She went home and started taking care of the baby.

Caralissa named the baby Namira. She was cute and beautiful, different from her mother. Yet, she had something endangering Caralissa and people around her. If she hated or got mad at something, she would cry. When she cried, she could electrify all people around her, like Beelzebub. In contrast, if she was contented, she would secrete a putrefied smell of stomach gas.

Namira grew faster than human. When Caralissa was 28 years old, Namira was 20. Namira had beautiful look and smart brain, but she was boyish. Being an adult, she could control her ability to electrify people and to secrete a putrefied smell of stomach gas. Namira and Caralissa moved to Jakarta in Caralissa’s home. Caralissa worked and Namira went to a university. Now, Namira was a sophomore student of Jakarta University majoring chemistry. Caralissa intentionally asked Namira to go to that university because she knew that Nathan was the teacher of Basic Chemistry II in that university. Caralissa asked Namira to recognize a person named Nathan and to kill that person.

In her first sophomore class, Namira took Basic Chemistry II class. The teacher, Nathan, was coming. He looked over the class and was enchanted to a girl, Namira. Then, he introduced his name and explained the syllabus. When the class was over, Namira introduced herself and asked for some syllabus personally. Eventually, they knew each other.

Month by month, as a smart girl, Namira always consulted to Nathan. Nathan seemed happy when Namira was near him. Namira told Caralissa about Nathan’s response to her, and Caralissa just smiled.

One day, Nathan invited Namira to come to his home. He only lived with his dogs. Namira came to Nathan’s home and discussed many things. In one moment, Nathan held Namira’s hands and asked her to be his girlfriend. Before she answered his question, she asked Nathan “Do you have ex-girlfriend before you choose me?” Nathan told to Namira “Of course, you too, right?” Namira answered “Nope. Who is she, now where is she? I want to know her.” “She is Aurellia. Sadly she died. She was killed” Namira asked again “Who killed her? How pity she is” Nathan started sweaty and said “Someone I don’t know” Immediately, Namira accused Nathan “No! It’s you who killed her. I know it from my mom” Nathan was shocked and asked “Who is your mom?” “Caralissa, Aurellia’s best friend.”

Nathan couldn’t understand. “Why did you kill her?” Namira asked. “Because she didn’t want to have done sex intercourse with me, I coerced her” Nathan explained. Namira then secreted a putrefied smell of stomach gas, and Nathan immediately fainted. “What a weak man! But you obviously deserve to die.” Namira electrified Nathan from her body with high voltage. She examined his artery. “He died. Oh, after I’ve done this I feel hungry. He must have meals.” Namira went to Nathan’s kitchen and opened his refrigerator. She took some meals and put it all in her bag. “Goodbye Nathan and thank you for your meals. See you in hell.” Namira went home and told Caralissa that Nathan was dead. Caralissa felt satisfied and smiled.

Thank you note :

Hanny Wulandari Elsa (F class) as my proofreader

Meutia Mirzananda (F class) as my proofreader

Aghnia Yuniarto Putri, my best friend, as my proofreader

Adetya Sarah (C class) as my proofreader and who convinces me to choose this story

Putri Fatmala (A class) as my proofreader

Reference lists:

My best friend’s story

City Hunter, a Korean drama

Death Note, a Japanese comic

Beelzebub, a Japanese anime

998 words

Link for dramatization.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “Revenge by a Satan Child: A Short Prose

  1. Wow! I really love kind of story like your writing where an ordinary life be amalgamated with something imaginative and exciting that we have never seen.

    The plot is arranged neatly and the settings are showed clearly, but perhaps the story will be more interesting if Caralissa find Namira also meet Namira’s mom at somewhere creepy place when Caralissa adventuring in dense woods or something like that. I wonder if Namira even know about her true mother, what would she say if she meet her when Caralissa bring her back to her mom?

    Intriguing story, dude! Please tell me if you are going to write the sequel.

    Like

      • Thank you for your comment. At the time I am making this story, I don’t think about a creepy place, because I don’t want to make this story becomes horror. However, thank you for your idea. I am also inspired with beelzebub anime when the man found the baby at the edge of a river, so I change it at the edge of rice field.

        Because it is a short story and I cannot make a long explanation about some things, and the focus is Caralissa’s revenge, so I think that it is not important about Caralissa brings Namira back to her mom.

        Okay, perhaps someday I will create the sequel.

        Like

  2. Zitro Alviotti
    180410120125
    Class F

    I got a little bit dissapointed by the short prose you wrote for the title and the content of the story are not as I expect. At first, I thought your short prose would be spooky. However, I think the story is more likely a narrative story that has a bit sense of thrilling. But, the arrangement of the plot is quiet impressive since it makes me curious about the reason why Nathan killed Aurellia since the reason is known in the end of the story. Moreover, the way you present the dialogue of all the characters is simple which makes me recognize it quickly.

    Like

      • Thank you for your comment, Zitro. I intentionally write the spooky title to make audiences interested and curious about the story. Also, I want audiences to expect that this is a spooky story, although this is not a truly spooky story. Yet, I thank for your comment about the title, perhaps on my next work I will write a more appropriate title with the story.

        Like

  3. Muhammad Reihansyah Maulana
    180410120107
    Class F

    Honestly I feel disappointed with your story since the climax is not as frightening as the title. When I read the title of your story I think the story will full of darkness since you used the word of Satan. When you present the character of Namira there is thing which is disappeared from the story, the character of Caralissa. Moreover the dialogue which occurred in the end of the story seems unclear to me.
    Talking about the dramatization, I think you have to put more creepy background music in order to make your story more interested to be heard.

    (100 words)

    Like

    • Thank you for your comment, Reihan. I wilfully don’t create a dark story, although the title is spooky. Intentionally, I create a spooky title to make audiences expect that the story is frightening.

      The disappearing character of Caralissa in nearly the end of story is aimed to introduce Namira as the one who revenge to Nathan and explained the process when Namira approached Nathan and killed him.

      Like

  4. 180410120117
    Class F

    I like your idea actually, but I am bit disappointed the way you put the time settings and I also disappointed how you changed a sequence to another different sequence. I think you were too much gives the reader information and because of that, as a reader, I fail to understand more your story and you did not give us a clear information about the time. Oh, I think you should reduce a bit the information we do not need to know. Or, maybe you should write the border one sequence to another sequence, so the reader will not confuse when they read your work. (105 Words)

    Like

    • Thank you for your comment, Hanny. So, you are confused to read my work? I don’t put time settings, because I want to let the audiences think by themselves about the time settings. I put many clues about time settings, such as sophomore, the ages of Caralissa and Namira, and the New Year 2015.

      Can you mention the example what kind of information that audiences not need to know?

      What border do you mean? Can you give me an example or more explanation?

      Like

      • When you wrote Caralissa and her friends’ celebrating their new year in Puncak, and then you suddenly changed the setting in Yogyakarta (One day in Yogyakarta…) without give us a hint that is another sequence. And I think you put many the information about Namira. Well, just my opinion actually. As I said before, I like your story whatever its lack. But, I think its better for you to put a clear time setting when Caralissa is in Yogyakarta. It just my opinion :)

        Like

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s