Summary: Story and poems, which portrayed a man’s feeling and regrets about his past.
It is almost midnight. Ezra is awake and walking down the alley. He cannot find a place, a tidy one just to unwind, take a deep breath, and then moving on again. Lucas is also awake, tomorrow should be one of the best days in his entire life, but he is terrified. He is busy checking out his phone, hoping for the best that he will get a call or a text from Ezra. Lucas cannot keep his mind thinking that something terrible happened to his brother. Living separated from his brother for more than 15 years makes him know nothing about his brother, his mother, or even his family. Lucas was too busy chasing his college degree, his career, and now he is busy arranging his wedding. Everything was started when they were kids, when everything seemed to be so fine to everybody else but not for him, not for Lucas.
Run, run as fast as you can
It’s midnight already
The phone rang
The birds flew
And people was starring with dying eyes
Have you met your fate?
Possessed by agony
You took a flower, a black one
Where is your loved ones?
Lucas was embarrassed with Ezra. He even could not accept that he was born from the same mother with Ezra. He tried as possible as he could to cover everything related to him and Ezra. It was because he could not stand the scorns if others found out Ezra was his brother. He could not stand the way people would look at them after they saw things Ezra did in public. From they were just little boys, Ezra always seemed different. Mary, their mother, took Ezra to every place that she heard could heal Ezra’s strange habit. She lost her job, even her husband left him because of Ezra. She did not stop trying until the next day she woke up and she realized that she could not afford another treatment for Ezra. Ezra himself did not find anything strange about his physical appearance. He thought he was as normal as other people, until he got distracted. Things changed. He could run, scream, and shout uncontrollably to everybody. He said that someone was chasing after him. He was talking to himself all the time. He felt like he lived in different universe sometimes. When it happened, no one was able to tame him. No one was strong enough to stop everything Ezra did. And Lucas was there all the time, watching his brother. And the only thing Lucas knew was he could not live with a crazy brother anymore. Lucas promised to himself that he will never admit to anybody that Ezra was his brother. He should go as far as he can from Ezra and Mary. He got to live alone and be a successful person, leaving them all behind.
Run, run again
The dawn is breaking
The thorns now pierced in your hand
Blood spilled, blood dripped
You’re all alone
You’ve been hiding for so long
Your heart was too deep and veiled
The pain is now torturing,
Completing things you’ve left unsaid
Here he is, looking to the street from his favorite spot in his old house; a little balcony outside of his bedroom, trying to figure out what had happened after he left 15 years ago. He should not have yelled to Ezra. Mary’s death was not Ezra’s fault. If it was possible to blame someone about Mary’s death, the person should be him. He was too busy, leaving all behind without knowing the damages he left. He did not come home for this, for the truth. He came to tell everybody how they should be proud of him. He is a success man, now. But now, he cannot stop regretting everything he had done to his family. Two days before Ezra run away from home, Lucas was frustrated. He found out that Mary had passed away, he did not get a chance to tell her how sorry he was or how much he loved her and still. He came to Ezra, yelled at him, and almost beat him. Ezra was crying for a help, begging for apologize, and run away outside uncontrollably. Crying and shouting to everybody. Ezra did not know where he should go. And he lost eventually. Lucas did not feel sorry for Ezra, even a little. He could not control his anger.
Now you stop running
Devastating all the good and bad memories
Mending all the broken
Taking time to think?
The flower is wilted
The sun is too shame to shine
The pain, it hurts, doesn’t it?
Running back to find where you belong
He slept in Mary’s bedroom that night. The day Ezra was gone. Suddenly, a big envelope fell on the floor. It was an old envelope with Ezra’s name on it. He opened it. He was shocked, really shocked. It was a medical record; Schizophrenia and Asperger disorder. He should have known it from a long time ago. He should have known if his brother was suffering rare syndromes. He should not have done all those things to Ezra.
Now, he cannot stop thinking how sorry he is to Ezra, but nobody knows where Ezra is. It is the day, the most important day in Lucas life, the day where everybody should be happy for him. But the truth is, he does not have anything left, deep down in his heart he feels so lonely. Deep down he misses his childhood, his mother, and Ezra. He regrets everything, everything happened, and everything he has done. He feels like a total jerk. Meanwhile, somewhere, Ezra was smiling happily. And he says, “I forgive you, brother. Have a blissful life.”
Now, you have no flower, no on to lean on
You never knew perfection till nothing’s left
You never knew what is irreplaceable
You’re fragile and cold and alone
Life will getting rough everyday
And you’ll be sorry for the time you’ve wasted
Thank you to Dimas Arbrianto.
– Ginsberg, Allen. Howl and Other Poems. City Lights Books.
– Dickinson, Emily. I’ve Seen A Dying Eye Poem. (http://www.bartleby.com/113/4015.html)
Word count: (1000)