The One: A poem

180410120076 A

Summary : So basically this poem is about my journey in getting the girl that I instantly love when I first saw her.

There I was, sitting, amongst the clamor of society

Inhaling the fume of death, but is favorable to everyone;

Then I saw, The descendant of Aphrodite,

Could she be the one?

As time flows steadily, in resemblance to whispering wind,

I stumbled upon a feeling I never knew I would find;

A sudden realization, struck my bewildering mind,

Could it be she, I was trying to find?

I gazed upon the dimming stars, as my mind wander like a free bird;

Thinking the unthinkable, thinking that she could be mine;

Since then, the feeling of bliss began to fill my heart;

Since then, I prayed to the almighty; hoping that she was the one.

In the continuing day, I was back at the place where I have been before;

Accompanied with my reliable companion, who is slowly devouring me;

Then out of the blue, I was startled by the presence of she who I immensely adore;

Never has it crossed my mind, the once in a lifetime opportunity, appeared before me.

Ever since I knew her, my whole life has been turned upside down;

With her, I have never felt so alive, I have never felt so elated;

But all of a sudden, an agonizing thought has brought my smile down;

The uncertainty that I felt towards her, have made me infuriated.

For so long I restrained the immense love I have for her,

For so long I endured torturing pain in waiting the impossible,

For so long I waited for this amazing moment to turn up,

For so long I wanted you to be the one.

Then I realized I have to take action without no hesitation,

Because the longer I wait, the feeling of love will transform into pain;

The thoughts of calling her mine, sharing each moments with her; will disappear just like an illusion,

And all of the immeasurable love I have; will be nothing but a bonfire in the pouring rain.

At last, I had the courage to confess what I have kept from her all this time;

The raging emotions I have inside me, I confessed every feeling I have to her,

And after the long, emotion-stirring journey to give rise to a change in life,

I finally attained what was once unattainable, I finally made her my lover.

From then on, my whole life has completely changed;

What was once a pool of despair and sorrow, turned into an ocean of prosper and jubilance;

Every moment we shared was over-pouring with bliss and contentment,

Every moment we had, we cherish as if it was our last.

We had our ups and downs, break-ups and make-ups, hatred and despise to each other;

But we fought through those dark times; with the love and passion we have towards one another;

And every day I pray to the almighty to make the passion we have for each other everlasting;

I pray and hope that she will be the one.

Thanks to Ananda Fitriana Rizky for proof-reading

Word count : 493

Link for work dramatization.

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16 thoughts on “The One: A poem

  1. There are two things that i love about this poem; the plot and the analogy. The author tells his journey to get the girl in a very detail chronology. The plot is simple but he gives a little spice of hatred and pain. It helps the reader understands how the girl has changed her life ever since they meet. And the way he analogue his feeling such as “And all of the immeasurable love I have; will be nothing but a bonfire in the pouring rain.” a brilliant idea. He succeed to express his feeling with this analogy. This is more of a love expression rather instead of just a cheesy love poem.

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  2. It is about the journey of someone’s love, the poem tells about the man who meet the girl from the fisrt time and falling in love with her. He is struggling to get the girl’s love, and that thing that make him more enthusias to live his life, his hope and his journey to get all of it. I like this poem, it is about a simple poem that tells the journey of love with a simple way. I think the message of this poem is about a journey of life, we should have a struggle to get what we want, don’t give up! because if we are tryng to do something, we will get the things of it. ‘Happiness waiting for us….
    hehehe

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  3. 180410120005/A

    I like this poem. I like the way you narrate the story, it is so organized (“runut”). Which is part of the crisis, climax and resolution is very clear. This makes me easy to understand what you want to say, it is how you feel in your journey in getting the girl that you love since the first meeting. The details that you used truly represent your feeling; it is further clarifying your feeling. For example in the passage “I gazed upon the dimming stars, as my mind wander like a free bird…”. Even though I think the poem is just tell a standard love story, but I still like the way you narrate the story.

    (116 words)

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  4. 180410120083/B

    This poem is great. I like how he/she narrates the plot. I also like the diction he/she chose to deliver the poem along with the meaning of it. The hyperbole words are fine; it does not sounds too much. To be honest, I am not good in writing such a nice poem like this one, but he/she did great. My favorite part in this poem is the repetition part in line 21-24; it embellishes the poem.

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  5. 180410120120/F

    I was instantly interested to read this work, because the writer said that this poem is based on his true story in the summary. From the 4th line of the poem, I could see how fast he fell for this girl; he asked himself straightforwardly, “Could she be the one?” at the very first time he met her. It was very sweet, I may say. Then, the writer tells his continued journey in a well-organized chronology which makes me understand what he had been through to make this girl his. “From then on, my whole life has completely changed. What was once a pool of despair and sorrow, turned into an ocean of prosper and jubilance” is enough to answer the question he asked to himself before; she is really the one. The words he used to express his feeling are in the right portion, not exaggerated. (147 words)

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  6. 180410120040
    A

    The simply title and the fascinatingly summary are catch my attention to read the poem. It is well-organized and the way he chooses the words is compatible. The meaning on each sentences are well-delivered. The uses of analogy are also interesting and stunning. It clearly shows how he believes that she is the best girl for him since their first meeting. Besides, I love how he recites the poem; the stresses which he gives in a few words to emphasize his dramatic and emotional situation is easy to hear. Overall, this modern poem is not making me bored to read it. Well done, dude. (104)

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  7. Radisti Dwikalisti/180410130060/Class A

    I like this poem because this poem is the author’s real story and that is very interesting to read. I can see the plot clearly because the author tells the love story of them day by day. I also like this part, “Inhaling the fume of death, but is favorable to everyone;”, the author uses another word to describe something and it makes the reader think for a while. But, I think it would be better if you explain more about the girl. About what makes you like that girl. So that the reader can also imagine about your girl more spesific. Physically or not.

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  8. Sidiq Yogha Nariza
    180410110193/A

    I think your poem is good. The way you describe your experience into a poem is interesting. The reader can follow your love journey in this poem. The plot of the poem is simple. The way you use analogy also interesting. You describe the girl as “The descendant of Aphrodite” so that we know the girl is very beautiful like Aphrodite because Aphrodite is the most beautiful Goddess in Greek mythology. I like the line when the poem says, “Because the longer I wait, the feeling of love will transform to pain.” It is like that line has a deep meaning for you.

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  9. 180410120065/B

    I am interested into this poem because the way words are connected and the way writer puts his intuition in narrating the story. Those particular reasons make the poem so much natural and touchy. It is like I am brought to another world in experiencing someone’s life. The using of interrogatives sentences make interaction with the reader so that the poem feels alive. The 17th and 18th lines has caught my attention more because I can feel what the writer feel. Finding the right one to share bitter and sweet moments is not easy, but the writer has found his right one correctly and he has been believing in her. This poem should be framed!

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  10. Jasmin Zarasani
    180410130049/A

    This poem is very well-written and I personally love it. The characterization of “her” is pretty clear even though you subtly describe it through the analogies you use (i.e. The descendant of Aphrodite). However, there is one thing that bugs me. You inconsistently change “her” with “you” in one part. It confuses me because you supposedly write this as an indirect tale of love, but when you refer to her as “you”, you change it into a direct one. Maybe if you wrote “For so long I wanted her to be the one.” instead of “For so long I wanted you to be the one.”, this poem would be flawless.

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  11. Rizal Verdiansyah
    180410100214/C

    I am interested in this work because he makes the analogy that I can understand, actually it is simple poem. About love, but he arranges the poem structurally and I get the point from this work. I suggest it would be better if he describe about the girl, I mean the detail about whole of the girl. So the readers have the picture of her and the poem can contain the detail about everything. Sometimes the story or the poem about love seems exaggerate and boring. But I wish he can make unpredictable ending of this poem, unusually ending of the story of the poem.

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  12. The poem has clear plot with the combination of the writer’s feeling expression and some analogy. It is directly clear about the beginning, the process (middle), and the end of the story. The diction that the writer uses in this poem also can represent the writer’s feeling, hence the poem becomes so deep. Yet, sadly the word count is not reach 500 words. I think the writer can put some more emotional sentences to reach 500 words or more. I suggest that you can describe how the girl is and why the girl makes you love her, not only express your feeling. However, perhaps it is your way to tell the story about your love.

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  13. 180410120071 / D

    Apparently, this poem is good enough. I love the author way to arrange and describe the plot in the poem. The story is well-arranged. I also like the author style to make this poem, some the hyperbole words in this poem, “Could it be she, I was trying to find? I gazed upon the dimming stars, as my mind wander like a free bird, Thinking the unthinkable, thinking that she could be mine”, it seems like emphasize the expression feeling and describes how deep the expression love in this poem.

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  14. Pingback: The One | Writings from Jatinangor

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