Should I call you Dad? : A Short Prose

180410120054/C

Summary : A man had an affair with his step-daughter

The sun had completely submerged and provided an opportunity for the darkness to accompany human life until it rises again. I saw that beautiful view from a cafe which was located near my office. There was an empty cup on my table which two hours ago was still filled with hot black coffee. Usually, a cup of coffee could lift people‘s mood just like what I read from an article on the internet. But this day that article was completely wrong. Confusion and frustration that I experienced this past week were still swirling in my head.

People started to come to this cafe by the time the lamps were turned on. Most of them were teen couples who wanted to spend their Saturday night with persons whom they love. But I sat here alone and seemed like a middle-aged stingy man who spent two hours in front of an empty cup without showing the signs to order another cup of coffee or a portion of food. No, I am not a stingy man. I just tried to become a wise man who never spent his money for foods or drinks while his son laid helplessly at a hospital and his wife cried all day beside him. Many times the waiter who stood not far from my table glanced at me like he wanted me to go away from the cafe soon. However, I ignored him because I didn’t have another place to go. The place which I called home was no more than an empty building since my son got a bad injury in his head from a street accident more than two weeks ago. My wife stayed at the hospital and came back home just to bring her clothes and then went hurriedly to the hospital again.

My mind kept wandering around after I switch my view from an empty cup to the street in front of the cafe. The cars with dark windows passed the street so slowly due to heavy traffic. Suddenly, my curiosity arose when I saw the dark car windows. What kind of people they are? But moreover I wanted to know whether a girl whom I searched was in those cars or not. I was looking for a girl who gave me ‘a second home’ a week ago. She was much younger than me but I felt in love with her as soon as I saw her smile when I met her for the first time in a bar. She was such a modest girl, that I couldn’t stop staring at her at that time. Unfortunately, I hardly got any information from her for the past 4 days. I went to her apartment but she was not there. She never called me. She didn’t go to the bar she worked in. She was completely disappeared from my world.

The next one hour passed by as the empty cup finally filled with hot coffee again. I was not interested in guessing people in the dark window cars anymore. The pedestrians who walked through the pavement caught my attention. I could see them clearly through the wide cafe window. I could see their faces, their clothes they were wearing and their gesture when they walked. I saw a girl walked anxiously when she crossed the street in front of the café. I couldn’t see her face clearly because she wore a shawl covering her neck and half of her face like she was afraid of being seen by other people around her.

The next minutes, I had already on the chase of that mysterious girl. I didn’t know what lead my mind to follow that girl but I felt a strong desire to know who she was. She walked not too far in front of me so I could see the figure of her body even though I still didn’t get the sight of her face. I thought I know who she was. Then, I shouted the name of the girl that I thought it was her name.

“Joanna! Hey Joanna! Is that you?”

My call had no effect to the mysterious girl. But I was sure she is Joanna, the girl at the bar with an intoxicating smile. I kept calling her but the girl seemed like she didn’t hear anything and kept walking. I decided to follow her till she stopped at a building. My heart beats faster as I know that the building is the place where Joanna was living. I hurriedly walked straight to Joanna’s apartment and found the mysterious girl in there standing beside the sofa.

“I know it’s you Joanna, why do you run away from me?”

“What are you talking about? Don’t you see that I just walked slowly all the way to here?”

“But you didn’t stop when I called your name. How could you act like you didn’t hear anything?”

“I am afraid that I just have a problem with my ears.”Joanna smiled.

Ah that girl, she is even more beautiful than the last time I saw her. Her skin looked more shining, nearly seemed glowing.

“Why did you never call me, Joanna? did something happened to you?”

“Yes, I think something bad happened to me. But I will never tell you what it is. You’d better check it by yourself.” Joanna pointed a box that was on top of her dresser.

I opened the box and found a letter with some photos in there. There are the photos of a family. One photo showed a bridge groom and a beautiful bride. Another photo showed a married couple with their daughter. I thought it was the photos of Joanna parents with her when she was a child. I could say that they seemed like a happy family. I looked at those photos carefully untill I realized that the beautiful bride was the woman whom I lived with for more than seven years. She is my wife.

“I should have sent it to you but I could not do that because something unexpected happened to me yesterday. I was killed by a damn robber on my way home. So, that’s it. You are my step-father. Should I call you Dad?”

Word Count: 1000 words

Reference:

The Man of The Crowd by Edgar Allan Poe

Thanks to:

Senny Selviany Agustin for proofreading my work and correcting the wrong grammar.

Link for dramatization: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/458663543273467854/

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6 thoughts on “Should I call you Dad? : A Short Prose

  1. 180410120066/A

    Your decision on choosing the daughter of his wife as the mistress is quiet interesting, yet you should have hide the fact that Joanna is his step-daughter to surprises the reader in the end, but you use the summary as the spoiler instead. I do not say that the ending does not surprise me at all, though. The fact that Joanna is killed the day before the man sees her on the street surprises me. So, Joanna is a ghost, right? However, the ending could have more dramatic if you add narration between the sentences of Joanna’s dialogue. Nice story!

    Like

  2. 180410120051
    Kelas C

    I think that the explanation about the cafe and coffee is too much. You spend more than one paragraph to explain about the cafe and its situation instead of more focusing on your main story. The reader will think that the cafe is the important thing in your story. The other is the man in this story talk to himself way to much and you put direct conversation only a few in the end of the story. I think it would be better if you make the man talk to himself until the end of the story to make it more dramatic.

    Word count: 102

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  3. 180410100025 / B

    I think your story is very interesting, But the main of story only in the last paragraphs. figure of joanna that she is a ghost. I agree with the second comment that you spend too much your stories about the cafe in the early paragraphs. I think the conflict in your story will take place in a cafe / bar like what you tell in first few paragraphs of your story, apparently conflict occurred at Joanna’s apertment it surprised me as a reader. Unfortunately I was a little disappointed in the end of the story, because the point of the story is too short. if you add a few paragraphs in your story, I think your story would be amazing. (122)

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  4. Aliffia Nur R
    180410120049 / C

    You choose very interesting theme for this story and I admit that it give me a lot of curiosity even from the beginning of the story. I am wondering about what actually happened to that man’s family? What happened his hospitalized children? and other questions appears on my mind.Unfortunately, I think this story goes too flat. You spend too long description about the main character who was in a coffee shop, but did not use those moments to build a conflict. To be honest I was expecting better conflict and climax from this story, especially after the surprising ending that reveal Joanna as a ghost. It would be better if you write more striking conflict or climax before the ending, so this story would be perfect.

    (160)

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  5. 180410120045/C

    I think you’re pretty good in describing the setting of the story and the main character’s thoughts that I quite enjoyed reading it. However, I was a little surprised that this story is told from the point of view of a middle-aged man because I did not picture a middle-aged man reading an article on the internet about coffee can lift people’s mood. And, I think, a story about a man having an affair with his step daughter is quite interesting, but, it would have been more surprising to the readers if you did not put the plot twist in the summary.

    Like

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