Arriving at my grandmother’s house, I saw my father looked up limp; his eyes were red, streaks of aging more evident on his face. My father looked confused, his confusion about what he should do at that time. He also felt beaten. My legs trembled; I wanted to run a way to leave this place full of sorrow. However, I realized the mother who was weaker than I am. I said in my heart “ I must be rigid; I must be strong and able to strengthen mother”. I got up and took my mother inside bedroom, strengthened my heart to receive this all though I did not know what I would see in there. One-step, two steps, there was no distance between me and woman who was repose in living room, that woman was very dear to me but now she was a different world with us. The woman was lifeless.
Tears, shouts and screams were dancing in my ear, whispering a new song in life, imprint rumble in the chest, but this was different, this was destiny. However, somehow, I felt happiness; I felt something else in my heart. A sing turned into a good sing from the sky. I remembered a verse of Al-Qur’an that was ringing in my ear. Ya ayatuhannafsul mutmainnah irji’i ila rabbiki radiyatammardiyyah fadkhulli fi ibadi’ wadkhulli jannatii. Oh God! … now my tears actually dripped, somehow I felt this day was my sister wedding with heaven’s Angel. God, this was your destiny, you was ‘not predestined my sister with men in the world, but you has destined her in your paradise. I really moaning, I approached the woman to see clearly. My shoulders were shook and I began to cry.
A shadow of her face was still evident in my mind, the shadow of my childhood with my sister was still I felt currently. I looked around me crying, that room was filled tears. At that time, I felt my breath choking because the room was dark without light. I saw my youngest brother face there was streaks of confusion. Oh, he was just too young to understand it all. I could only whisper him, “be patient”.
The time goes on, one by one of my sister’s friends arrived, I saw their faces. I said, “This is really truly heartbreaking drama that I’ve seen, the drama of my life journey”. Oh God… I did not strong to see it, one of my sister friends was screaming, crying sobbing, God… it was heartbreaking. I saw to my right was the cries, behind me just cries, all cries was around me. “Is there anything not cry today?” I ask myself.
Afternoon was come; Adzan was ringed out to prayer, signaling time for us to break the fast. “The sad time in fasting month”, I said. I did not want to drink water, though my throat was dry because my heart was still a sense of melancholy mixed erratic.
“Ros, let you drink, you should breaking of fast“, my grandmother said. My mother was not strong rise, no one dared to speak to her. The Guests asked for leave to implement magrib prayers. One by one of them leaved my grandmother house.
The time was spanned, I did not dare looked at that woman, her face was pale, I hugged, I touched her body and I did not believe she was already lifeless. A verse Yasin has colored that evening, we read it more and more. The fasting month this time was become depressing month for my family. People were continued to tarawih prayers, but not with me, my sisters, my mother and my father. feeling sad enveloped us and made us powerless to do anything.
When I was being invited by my brother to pick Intan in Bogor. However, I rejected it, because I still felt Sertorius with this accident, I did not want to go anywhere. Finally, my brother and my uncle were picked her.
The clock showed 12:00 am, my eyes started smarting. I went into the room where my mother was taking a rest; I hugged by her, I ordered to massage her head with eucalyptus oil. At the same time, I accidentally spilled eucalyptus oil to the mother’s eyes. However, my mother did not angry even she laughed at my carelessness.
In 13: 25 pm, I waked; I heard a footstep that was my little sister Intan who was come from Bogor. “Intan, don’t’ be sad although your sister is no longer in the real world, important things that mother still there is for you “, my mother said while rubbing her head. Our sister departure caused the accident make our inner shock. We could not imagine this Eid without her, and we could never have imagined that we would visit the graves of our beloved sister.
Sunny morning, the sunshine emerged from west. The atmosphere this morning was a bit different. The morning always provide coolness in the liver, the dew was still fresh, birds was song, the grains of rice lush, soothing sound of water, That all was reminding me of the verse AR-RAHMAN ” Which is it, of the favors of your Lord, that ye deny?”. However, for me this morning was become a sad day.
At 09:00 am, my sister would be washed and then be prayed. These tears trickled back even more strongly; this was the end of a life. I said again in the heart “Finally, we are waiting a long queue towards him but what is the order of us?“. Inside, I heard the mothers who wanted to bathe the corpse of my sister. When bathing in progress, my bloods went up, the tears again came out, I could not touch this stiff hand. After washed and shrouded, the corpse of my sister taken to the mosque to be prayed. my sister corpse brought to the mosque I kissed my sister forehead for the last time. After all had done, the corpse bought to cemetery that near our village.
When we arrived cemetery, the corpse was input into the grave and then covered by red sand. I saw my little sister and brother were still small, I said “they were still small to understand all this”. I promised to be a good sister for them.
“O owner lives, please accept my sister beside you who during her lifetime have not felt happiness, then give her the happiness in your heaven”.
Friday at 13: 00 pm 22 August 2013/03 Ramadan 1435 H
“Mom … iha want to go to deliver proposals Ramadan cheerful”.
“Yeah, be carefully in the way iha”.
“Yes mom, Iha only briefly. Anyway, you do not contact me because my mobile could not be used again.
“Yeah iha”, my mother said
Bismillah, I ride my motorcycle supra x which speed standard, I know I left my helmet at the office, my bag and two pieces of the robe for my little sisters . They will be happy because I bought them the robe for the Eid.
I have derived my proposal completed. O God pardon me if I still lacking in the mandate, thank you for your time. O God I felt calm because I ride my motorcycle slowly, but why that big car beside me more closer distance with me, closer, closer and closer. O Allah white shadow was getting close with me. Brugg …… the violent collision…, after that I cannot see and hear anything except the hard bump . God.. Now I really lost my light.
After the process of funeral done, one by one the guests or penta’ziah left graveyard. My brother, little sister, mother and father were still reading a verse of Al-Mulk three times that was being headed by my father. After we finished reciting a verse Al-Mulk, we left the grave, and my face saw my sister cemetery.
I said “O heaven’s Angel may you be quiet side. I hope God accepts your good deeds. Amiin”.
I saw the angel was smiling at me.
“Bidadari-Bidadari Surga” by Starvation Plus
Born: 28 November 1985 in Serang, Banten
Died: 22 August 2013 in Serang, Banten
Word count: 1,376 words