Final Writing: Hardest Time of My Life (Non-Fiction)

Ekaprilia Nur Shabrina/180410150023

I don’t know if I remember this clearly but I think I can tell you about what happened back when I was 12 or 13 roughly. Many things happened back then so I only remember a little bit about what happened. It was a really really beautiful day, at first; the sky was clear blue and the sun decided to shine a little bit more, burned my skin and left it red and hurt when I was on my way back home. Oh! I was just graduated from junior high school, I remember it. I felt so happy because finally, no school for a few weeks. I imagined I could go to swimming pool in the morning everyday. At first my friends and I were gonna hang out somewhere but I swear it was too hot that day to even go outside so I just went straight to home. My body felt funny at that time, you know, because I didn’t sleep well the night before and I kind of had bad cold so I kept myself in my room, wrapped in blanket and sweater and tried to sleep even with one of my nostril was blocked and the other one was runny.

Everything was fine until Ma knocked at my door, face full with tears and panicking. I was still half asleep when I opened the door and tried to process what she said; something happened and Grandma just fainted. She yelled at me because I stayed in my room and didn’t go downstairs after I got home. I was still dizzy to process everything and she just dragged me downstairs. There, Grandma in her room, unconscious. Ma told me she had been fainted for three hours, so I assumed I had fell asleep for that long. I didn’t know what happened next. It was all blurry, I think Ma took her to hospital but I can’t remember with who because my parents were at work. It was blurry. The beautiful day had turned into a stormy day, at least for me.

I remember I was all alone at home, my parents went to hospital and stayed with Ma. But I also remember my nephews were at home, but I still assumed I was alone until the rest of my family; aunts and uncles, come. I still felt I was alone. I felt like they were strangers that crashing into someone’s house just to sleep. My cold also was getting worse, I bet there was a desert inside my throat; so dry. Midnight came, and I swear I could hear another relatives came. Home was crowded that night. For a moment, I forgot about what happened to Grandma. All I could think about that time was how I got good enough sleep with so many people being noisy downstairs. I remember Mom called but I can’t remember when, she gave me information about Grandma’s current situation; her condition was critical. I felt both relieved because finally someone gave me an information and also panicked because I knew she was gonna leave me, forever. I knew she was dying. Before I knew, I started crying until my nephews came to my room asking if I was okay. That was very sweet of them but still, I couldn’t control my emotion. I yelled at them, told them to leave me alone. I was so rude, I know.

Next, I didn’t remember what happened. I think I fell asleep because I remember the next day my aunt made me a poridge for breakfast. We had a good chit chat about school,but then she told me if God decided to take Grandma’s life away I have to be strong because she would be no longer in pain, she would watch us from above, and she would reunite with Grandpa. I just nodded and starred into my bowl. Then it finally hit me; what if Grandma really leave this world, forever? A call from my dad woke me up from the deep thought. Even before he finished what he said, I started wailing and crying on the floor. I never thought it would be that fast. Just a second ago I was still thinking about it and the next second I was faced with the reality. Grandma had passed away and the question was left unanswered.

I kept crying until the ambulance that took my Grandma came. Mom, Ma, and Dad were inside. I remember I couldn’t see Grandma, who was covered in kaffan, in living room. My angel, lying there, just body without soul. Mom said she was smiling in her sleep. Then all the memories I have with her flashed before my eyes, I couldn’t take it. I broke down in tears again when all relatives came gathering around Grandma. And I was just there, standing doorway of her room with my aunt supporting me. I never fell such sadness in my life. Once I got really sad because I lost my favourite blanket. Grandma thought it was so dirty and the fabric was worn out and she decided to throw it into the bin. But then, I got a new blanket. It was different but she told me it was also the same thing. It still feels different; losing someone you love and losing the thing you love.

At her funeral. I managed not to cry when I attended the funeral. So many people came, it was crowded. But I cried again when Grandma were not in my sight anymore. I remember I almost passed out but someones beside and behind me, hold me so I kept standing. I starred at her tomb with her name on it, wet soil, flowers, and people. I refused to believe that she really left me. I searched for her at home, but she wasn’t there. She left me.

Let me tell you about Grandma. I lived with her ever since I was born because both my parents were busy with their work. She raised me with Ma and my other uncles. She put up so much with me because I was such a rebel when I was a kid. But she loved me. What made my heart hurt so bad was back then when I was child, every time I got upset or angry without any reason, I would pinch her so hard until it left bruises on her skin or hit her. But she loved me. Every time I broke down into crying fit, even with me kicking and punching, she just hugged me and murmured sweet nothings into my ear. She loved me. After all that, she would make me a bowl of hot noodle to comfort me and a baby bottle of warm tea (I use baby bottle until I was 7. I know this is embarassing but I don’t care). Even when I was stressed because of school things and decided to blare Avenged Sevenfold on full volume, she didn’t scold me. She knew I like that kind of bands and let me play them even if she didn’ like it. Also I slept with her until I was 11. Every time she hold me in her arm, her scent was comforting me. It smelled like home, like where I belong. I didn’t want her to leave me. I remember the last thing she said to me before all this was she couldn’t be there for me any longer. I hate how she kept her word, she really left me…

Migrain came to me because I think I cried so hard alot at that time. I kept crying myself to sleep (or not) for 2 days and my head felt so heavy. Mom took me to doctor eventually. They prescribed me some sleeping pills so that I can rest and stop crying. And yeah, I also felt tired from crying nonstop and I admitted that I need a really good sleep. I remember I was still in sorrow but for the next few days were also blurry, I can’t remember what happpened.

I’ve ever hit a point in life where I felt like I can’t continue my life because I lost someone I love the most. But Mom told me that life must go on, you can’t use losing someone you love for the reason not to continue your life. I let her words absorbed into my mind. I thought about it seriously. Even sometimes I still feel sad, and crying because I miss her, Mom’s words are ringing inside my head. They are my reminder, and will always be. Sometimes I can still feel her present at home. Whether be it in the kitchen, her room, living room. Her warmth is still lingering in this house. Mom also feels the same way. She told me sometimes Grandma visits in her dream but not mine. I want to see her in person and say I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I want to see her face, smiling, like what Mom told me when she passed away.

word count : 1,506

Final Writing: The Hardest Year of my Life (Non-Fiction)

Hana Rahmawati/180410150003

January 2015

"Teh, in the neck of the mother there is a lump." Mother said while pressing a small lump around her neck.

"Where is the lump? Is it hurt? "

"On the left. It doesn’t hurt but mother is afraid, mother wants to check it to the doctor. "

"Tomorrow, mom should check it to the doctor. Don’t press the lump mom, I am scared that’s not usual lump. "

The next day, my mother went to the doctor but the doctors still can’t detect what the disease is because the lump is small size. When the doctor checked it, the lump was pressed by the doctor so hard and makes my mother felt tremendous pain. The doctor even diagnosed that the lump came from the teeth, whereas my mother never had a problem with her teeth never feel a toothache because my mother always keeps her teeth healthy. Since we were still not satisfied with the doctor’s explanation, we drove mom to go to the dentist at Cideres Hospital, and her molar teeth revoked, after being revoked somehow the dentist said that there was no problem with her teeth. It was so strange, so for what her tooth removed if there were no problems with her teeth. Then, the doctor suggested being injected with biopsy. A few days later, my mother went to Siti Maryam Hospital for a biopsy injection. When she arrived home after from the hospital, my mother instantly limp. Which made me want to cry, I saw her mouth become tilted and constantly salivate in large quantities. Mom could not talk, she just cried. Then I tried to ask her,

"Mom, what happened?" My sister and I asked her while holding her hand.

"hhh..hurt," she replied less clearly.

"Oh sorry mom sorry, you better sleep and rest."

Mother just shook her head slowly. Maybe she could not lie down because of the incessant saliva out of his mouth. My sister and I were confused not knowing what to do, we can’t bear to see her situation. We only sit beside our mother. Then I went to the next room, I saw my father was daydreaming. Maybe he can’t bear to see the mother with such circumstances, visible from the expression of his face sadness but he was try as strong as holding back tears. Honestly, my heart hurt so much I was afraid something might happen.

July 2015

At that time, it has been known what illness my mother was suffering. I still cannot believe until now that she had stage three nasopharyngeal cancer. Nasopharyngeal cancer is a type of cancer that grows in the back cavity of the nose and behind the ceiling of the oral cavity causing swelling of the lymph nodes in the neck. At that time, the mother’s appetite is really reduced may be the cause he was not able to chew food so just want to eat porridge baby that dilute just to be swallowed. No intake of food that causes her body weakened. At that time my mother was treated at Hasan Sadikin Hospital Bandung. The doctor at the hospital Hasan Sadikin Bandung once asked my father what her favorite food, and then my father replied that mothers love to eat salted fish and tape. The doctor said it’s one of the causes of nasopharyngeal cancer. Looks trivial indeed but this is quite serious to note, maybe the salted fish that often consumed by my mom containing formalin and according to doctors are also not good to eat salted fish and tape let alone consumed continuously.

August 2015

This month may be the month that I think is both the happiest and the most miserable. Because I have to leave my family. At that time I had to go to Jatinangor because it was accepted to be a student of Faculty of Art Universitas Padjadjaran. I am happy because it is my dream to study at Unpad and my mother is very happy to know that I am accepted in Unpad SNMPTN line. But I’m afraid I still can’t rely on my sister who is still in junior high school. Without me, she would have trouble taking care of my mother and my little brother who are still in elementary school. Because my father had to work from morning to evening for my mother’s medical expenses. My father who was just a donut seller overwhelmed with my mother’s expensivemedical expenses. Fortunately, at that time the treatment was helped by BPJS and also the help from my father’s brother.

When I went to Jatinangor, I was picked up by my friend. I left with my two friends escorted by her parents. When they picked me up after saying good-bye to my mother, one of my friends asked me,

"Na, what happened with your mother? Her body was very thin, her face was pale not as usual. "

"My mother is sick, Lina."

"HAH? What was your mother’s illness? Said my friend and my friend’s parents.

"Cancer" I replied briefly, I was afraid to cry.

Everyone fell silent and sobbing.

"It’s okay, I ask the same prayers all hopefully my mother can be healed and given the best by God." "Aamiin" they said in unison. And then my friends hug me.

October 2015

Ever since I lived in Jatinangor, I always came home once a week to keep my mother at home even while in the hospital. I always try to focus on my lecture but my mind is always on my mother. Our plan, my mother will be taken to Darmais Cancer Hospital in Jakarta. But my mother’s circumstances are not possible to take on a long journey. While waiting for my mother’s rather strong state, my mother was taken care of at my grandmother’s house. All the medical equipment was brought to my grandmother’s house, the mother of my father. Because if in the hospital we are less free to care for the mother. After a week at my grandmother’s house, my mother’s body had shown good health. However, all of a sudden, mbah that is the mother of my mother asked us to bring my mother to mbah’s house. I already had a bad feeling at the time. But my dad thinks maybe mbahregrets all his actions to my mother in the past and wants to take care of her. Because mbah is always vicious to my mother, although she is her biological mother.

It turns out after a few days at mbah’s home, do not know why mom never want to eat, his body condition deteriorated. My mother’s family blamed my father, saying that the cause of the sick mother was my father. I do not know what else to do. Actually, I’m disgusted with them. From childhood, I always saw mbah cursing my mother without me knowing the obvious reason. My mother always cried hugging me. I do not understand what’s on her minds, my good mother is always wrong in her eyes. But the other child who always doing wrong always defended by mbah. Fortunately, as a child, my mother was cared for by her grandmother and grandfather, the parents of her biological father. Because they feel sorry for my mother being tortured by her stepfather, her mother and her four siblings do not care about it.

October, 2015

As always, I go back to Majalengka once a week. In late October, my mother was admitted to Majalengka Hospital. It seems it is not possible to go to Darmais Cancer Hospital Jakarta because of its very worrying situation. I still remember very clearly that her body was very thin and seemed only skin and bone remained, her face was shaped skull flesh around the cheek, the lump on her neck had broken so that her neck was perforated and had to wear the gauze and even then must be changed every hour because bleeding and odor, from the hole neck always out blood. My God, my feeling tells me that my mother’s age is not long but on the other hand I really hope there is a miracle if my mother can heal. I always hold back tears when I was with her all day. I’m afraid my mom is sad to see me crying. I always wait when maghrib time arrives, because after the maghrib prayer I can take turns with my father to keep the mother. After the maghrib prayer, I can complain to God all my complaints.

It was then that after the maghrib prayer I took my siblings to the hospital to meet my mother. Then they hugged her and held her hand. The three of us could no longer hold back the tears of seeing my mother who was so patient against her illness had never complained at all. I ventured to talk to my mom. "Mom, this is de Hilmi and teh Nida, they said they missed you so much." Mom opened her eyes and smiled. My mother was crying and her hand was trying to reach the three of us. Then mom said less clearly and stammered. "Teh, please take care of your siblings. Your college hopefully running smoothly. Mom is okay, mom already does not feel pain just don’t have to think about me. Teh Nida and de Hilmi do not be naughty must obey to teh Hana." The three of us cry and continue to cry. "Please don’t talk like that mom, it makes teh Nida so sad, you must be sure you will recover." Said my sister sobbed while stroking mother’s hand. Actually, my mother’s body if stroked a little pain extraordinary but he let my sister stroked his hand. My little brother who did not want to far away from mother incessantly cried until finally he was picked up by my father for fear of disturbing other patients.

When I came back to Jatinangor I always thought of my mother’s words. He said that he didn’t feel any pain anymore. All I know is that a person who is seriously ill suddenly does not feel the pain of her end is near. What if my mother really went away, I was scared. But I always try to strengthen myself, I must be sincere with the will of God. I must be ready because the risk of being the oldest child should be ready with everything that happens.

November 2015

It was 6 o’clock on the morning of November 13, I had not yet woken up from my sleep because of the night I slept late to do the work and suddenly my roommate woke me because my dad called. With still semi-consciousness I lifted him.

"Teh, come home fast!" Said my father quickly.

My eyes widened in shock.

"What’s wrong, dad?" My feeling pointed directly at my mother.

"The doctor has told me to bring mom to go home immediately, he said if it is better to be directly taken care of at home."

I take a slow breath, immediately agreed and then hurriedly shower and get ready. With tears, I said goodbye to my friend. He hugged me and said, "It’s okay do not be sad whatever happened has become God’s will. You have to be strong. " I just nodded and smiled at her.

At about 9 am I arrived home, we immediately went to the hospital. Arriving at the hospital, I went straight to where place my mother. There’s also mbah and aunt who is a sister from my mother. I held my mother’s hand, I cried to see the situation. Mother just closed her eyes may have been unconscious.

"Mom, forgive me," I say softly.

When I say like that, my mother’s sister says "Hey where have you been?."

"I have college, I go home once a week."

"Halaahhh," she said, pouting me.

Really I was very emotional at the time. My family relationship was never good with my mother’s family. Since my mother was sick, they always told me to quit college. My mother told me not to be affected by them. They never help us in spite of the slightest effort. Suddenly they come and say things like that. I do not think it’s worth it. I hold a grudge against them because they always make my mother suffered. Usually, I can be patient and cry clandestinely, but for some reason, at that time I dare to against them. The people in the hospital saw us. I immediately ran to hug my father who is administering the administration. My father already knew what made me cry, he just wiped my head. Doctors and nurses that most of my neighbors already know with their bad nature. Then the doctor calmed me down, "Do not cry neng, do not be served those like that. Later they will get the karma. " I nodded and remained crying. Then my mother was taken home by the car we were carrying. My dad, my sister and me are holding mom in the car. I will not let go of my mother’s hand.

"Mom," My mother opened her eyes but just looked at the ceiling of the car as if there was something there. Along the way, we all said "Allah..Allah..Allah" so that my mother followed us. Alhamdulillah my mother can follow her although less clear because her tongue was short. Arriving at home, my mother was laid by my father in bed. At that time my mother had time to speak but only said "Thirsty". We gave her water and her eyes always looked toward the door as if there was something there. The big family has gathered, we all say "Allah..Allah..Allah" my mother still followed us.

Suddenly my mother fell asleep, for some reason I always pay attention to her breath, The rhythm of his breath is slow and finally stop. About half past 1 pm my mother died, we still didn’t believe it. We were crying but not sobbing. We apologized in her ear. I immediately hugged my siblings. Fortunately, my younger brother who most did not want away from my mother can handle his emotions, he was crying but still calm. I pity his age is still 8 years. I hugged him and said, "De Hilmi, do not cry it will make mothers sad. There is still teh Hana, teh Nida and dad. A boy must be strong. " My brother wiped her tears of unrelenting eyes. Then I took her out of the room. We all have sincerity with the mother’s departure. I’m sure God loves my mother very much. I always pray for my good mother to be placed in His Heaven.

Our family for many years has experienced many strenuous temptations come up. But the year 2015 is a very hard year for me and my family because we lost the figure we love so much, the figure is so patient and strong.

Word count: 2.488

AIbEiAIAAABDCICc1N3RvJu-VCILdmNhcmRfcGhvdG8qKDNmZjI5MjNhZDQ1NjNmMDczYzg4MzU5YjA4ZTllODk2NDViZWM0ZjEwAQHEA0Jtf8lMsFHN1oBRY1ayyjI2?sz=32

Hana Rahmawati <hanarahmawati1933>

8:01 PM (10 minutes ago)
to koci798quza, Rima

January 2015

"Teh, in the neck of the mother there is a lump." Mother said while pressing a small lump around her neck.

"Where is the lump? Is it hurt? "

"On the left. It doesn’t hurt but mother is afraid, mother wants to check it to the doctor. "

"Tomorrow, mom should check it to the doctor. Don’t press the lump mom, I am scared that’s not usual lump. "

The next day, my mother went to the doctor but the doctors still can’t detect what the disease is because the lump is small size. When the doctor checked it, the lump was pressed by the doctor so hard and makes my mother felt tremendous pain. The doctor even diagnosed that the lump came from the teeth, whereas my mother never had a problem with her teeth never feel a toothache because my mother always keeps her teeth healthy. Since we were still not satisfied with the doctor’s explanation, we drove mom to go to the dentist at Cideres Hospital, and her molar teeth revoked, after being revoked somehow the dentist said that there was no problem with her teeth. It was so strange, so for what her tooth removed if there were no problems with her teeth. Then, the doctor suggested being injected with biopsy. A few days later, my mother went to Siti Maryam Hospital for a biopsy injection. When she arrived home after from the hospital, my mother instantly limp. Which made me want to cry, I saw her mouth become tilted and constantly salivate in large quantities. Mom could not talk, she just cried. Then I tried to ask her,

"Mom, what happened?" My sister and I asked her while holding her hand.

"hhh..hurt," she replied less clearly.

"Oh sorry mom sorry, you better sleep and rest."

Mother just shook her head slowly. Maybe she could not lie down because of the incessant saliva out of his mouth. My sister and I were confused not knowing what to do, we can’t bear to see her situation. We only sit beside our mother. Then I went to the next room, I saw my father was daydreaming. Maybe he can’t bear to see the mother with such circumstances, visible from the expression of his face sadness but he was try as strong as holding back tears. Honestly, my heart hurt so much I was afraid something might happen.

July 2015

At that time, it has been known what illness my mother was suffering. I still cannot believe until now that she had stage three nasopharyngeal cancer. Nasopharyngeal cancer is a type of cancer that grows in the back cavity of the nose and behind the ceiling of the oral cavity causing swelling of the lymph nodes in the neck. At that time, the mother’s appetite is really reduced may be the cause he was not able to chew food so just want to eat porridge baby that dilute just to be swallowed. No intake of food that causes her body weakened. At that time my mother was treated at Hasan Sadikin Hospital Bandung. The doctor at the hospital Hasan Sadikin Bandung once asked my father what her favorite food, and then my father replied that mothers love to eat salted fish and tape. The doctor said it’s one of the causes of nasopharyngeal cancer. Looks trivial indeed but this is quite serious to note, maybe the salted fish that often consumed by my mom containing formalin and according to doctors are also not good to eat salted fish and tape let alone consumed continuously.

August 2015

This month may be the month that I think is both the happiest and the most miserable. Because I have to leave my family. At that time I had to go to Jatinangor because it was accepted to be a student of Faculty of Art Universitas Padjadjaran. I am happy because it is my dream to study at Unpad and my mother is very happy to know that I am accepted in Unpad SNMPTN line. But I’m afraid I still can’t rely on my sister who is still in junior high school. Without me, she would have trouble taking care of my mother and my little brother who are still in elementary school. Because my father had to work from morning to evening for my mother’s medical expenses. My father who was just a donut seller overwhelmed with my mother’s expensivemedical expenses. Fortunately, at that time the treatment was helped by BPJS and also the help from my father’s brother.

When I went to Jatinangor, I was picked up by my friend. I left with my two friends escorted by her parents. When they picked me up after saying good-bye to my mother, one of my friends asked me,

"Na, what happened with your mother? Her body was very thin, her face was pale not as usual. "

"My mother is sick, Lina."

"HAH? What was your mother’s illness? Said my friend and my friend’s parents.

"Cancer" I replied briefly, I was afraid to cry.

Everyone fell silent and sobbing.

"It’s okay, I ask the same prayers all hopefully my mother can be healed and given the best by God." "Aamiin" they said in unison. And then my friends hug me.

October 2015

Ever since I lived in Jatinangor, I always came home once a week to keep my mother at home even while in the hospital. I always try to focus on my lecture but my mind is always on my mother. Our plan, my mother will be taken to Darmais Cancer Hospital in Jakarta. But my mother’s circumstances are not possible to take on a long journey. While waiting for my mother’s rather strong state, my mother was taken care of at my grandmother’s house. All the medical equipment was brought to my grandmother’s house, the mother of my father. Because if in the hospital we are less free to care for the mother. After a week at my grandmother’s house, my mother’s body had shown good health. However, all of a sudden, mbah that is the mother of my mother asked us to bring my mother to mbah’s house. I already had a bad feeling at the time. But my dad thinks maybe mbahregrets all his actions to my mother in the past and wants to take care of her. Because mbah is always vicious to my mother, although she is her biological mother.

It turns out after a few days at mbah’s home, do not know why mom never want to eat, his body condition deteriorated. My mother’s family blamed my father, saying that the cause of the sick mother was my father. I do not know what else to do. Actually, I’m disgusted with them. From childhood, I always saw mbah cursing my mother without me knowing the obvious reason. My mother always cried hugging me. I do not understand what’s on her minds, my good mother is always wrong in her eyes. But the other child who always doing wrong always defended by mbah. Fortunately, as a child, my mother was cared for by her grandmother and grandfather, the parents of her biological father. Because they feel sorry for my mother being tortured by her stepfather, her mother and her four siblings do not care about it.

October, 2015

As always, I go back to Majalengka once a week. In late October, my mother was admitted to Majalengka Hospital. It seems it is not possible to go to Darmais Cancer Hospital Jakarta because of its very worrying situation. I still remember very clearly that her body was very thin and seemed only skin and bone remained, her face was shaped skull flesh around the cheek, the lump on her neck had broken so that her neck was perforated and had to wear the gauze and even then must be changed every hour because bleeding and odor, from the hole neck always out blood. My God, my feeling tells me that my mother’s age is not long but on the other hand I really hope there is a miracle if my mother can heal. I always hold back tears when I was with her all day. I’m afraid my mom is sad to see me crying. I always wait when maghrib time arrives, because after the maghrib prayer I can take turns with my father to keep the mother. After the maghrib prayer, I can complain to God all my complaints.

It was then that after the maghrib prayer I took my siblings to the hospital to meet my mother. Then they hugged her and held her hand. The three of us could no longer hold back the tears of seeing my mother who was so patient against her illness had never complained at all. I ventured to talk to my mom. "Mom, this is de Hilmi and teh Nida, they said they missed you so much." Mom opened her eyes and smiled. My mother was crying and her hand was trying to reach the three of us. Then mom said less clearly and stammered. "Teh, please take care of your siblings. Your college hopefully running smoothly. Mom is okay, mom already does not feel pain just don’t have to think about me. Teh Nida and de Hilmi do not be naughty must obey to teh Hana." The three of us cry and continue to cry. "Please don’t talk like that mom, it makes teh Nida so sad, you must be sure you will recover." Said my sister sobbed while stroking mother’s hand. Actually, my mother’s body if stroked a little pain extraordinary but he let my sister stroked his hand. My little brother who did not want to far away from mother incessantly cried until finally he was picked up by my father for fear of disturbing other patients.

When I came back to Jatinangor I always thought of my mother’s words. He said that he didn’t feel any pain anymore. All I know is that a person who is seriously ill suddenly does not feel the pain of her end is near. What if my mother really went away, I was scared. But I always try to strengthen myself, I must be sincere with the will of God. I must be ready because the risk of being the oldest child should be ready with everything that happens.

November 2015

It was 6 o’clock on the morning of November 13, I had not yet woken up from my sleep because of the night I slept late to do the work and suddenly my roommate woke me because my dad called. With still semi-consciousness I lifted him.

"Teh, come home fast!" Said my father quickly.

My eyes widened in shock.

"What’s wrong, dad?" My feeling pointed directly at my mother.

"The doctor has told me to bring mom to go home immediately, he said if it is better to be directly taken care of at home."

I take a slow breath, immediately agreed and then hurriedly shower and get ready. With tears, I said goodbye to my friend. He hugged me and said, "It’s okay do not be sad whatever happened has become God’s will. You have to be strong. " I just nodded and smiled at her.

At about 9 am I arrived home, we immediately went to the hospital. Arriving at the hospital, I went straight to where place my mother. There’s also mbah and aunt who is a sister from my mother. I held my mother’s hand, I cried to see the situation. Mother just closed her eyes may have been unconscious.

"Mom, forgive me," I say softly.

When I say like that, my mother’s sister says "Hey where have you been?."

"I have college, I go home once a week."

"Halaahhh," she said, pouting me.

Really I was very emotional at the time. My family relationship was never good with my mother’s family. Since my mother was sick, they always told me to quit college. My mother told me not to be affected by them. They never help us in spite of the slightest effort. Suddenly they come and say things like that. I do not think it’s worth it. I hold a grudge against them because they always make my mother suffered. Usually, I can be patient and cry clandestinely, but for some reason, at that time I dare to against them. The people in the hospital saw us. I immediately ran to hug my father who is administering the administration. My father already knew what made me cry, he just wiped my head. Doctors and nurses that most of my neighbors already know with their bad nature. Then the doctor calmed me down, "Do not cry neng, do not be served those like that. Later they will get the karma. " I nodded and remained crying. Then my mother was taken home by the car we were carrying. My dad, my sister and me are holding mom in the car. I will not let go of my mother’s hand.

"Mom," My mother opened her eyes but just looked at the ceiling of the car as if there was something there. Along the way, we all said "Allah..Allah..Allah" so that my mother followed us. Alhamdulillah my mother can follow her although less clear because her tongue was short. Arriving at home, my mother was laid by my father in bed. At that time my mother had time to speak but only said "Thirsty". We gave her water and her eyes always looked toward the door as if there was something there. The big family has gathered, we all say "Allah..Allah..Allah" my mother still followed us.

Suddenly my mother fell asleep, for some reason I always pay attention to her breath, The rhythm of his breath is slow and finally stop. About half past 1 pm my mother died, we still didn’t believe it. We were crying but not sobbing. We apologized in her ear. I immediately hugged my siblings. Fortunately, my younger brother who most did not want away from my mother can handle his emotions, he was crying but still calm. I pity his age is still 8 years. I hugged him and said, "De Hilmi, do not cry it will make mothers sad. There is still teh Hana, teh Nida and dad. A boy must be strong. " My brother wiped her tears of unrelenting eyes. Then I took her out of the room. We all have sincerity with the mother’s departure. I’m sure God loves my mother very much. I always pray for my good mother to be placed in His Heaven.

Our family for many years has experienced many strenuous temptations come up. But the year 2015 is a very hard year for me and my family because we lost the figure we love so much, the figure is so patient and strong.

Word count: 2.488

The Wall (Non-Fiction)

Dinia Sofia / 180410150018

4th February 2016.

It’s the day that I went to Dufan together with my community friends to celebrate the end the long holiday. I felt very happy because I could spend my last few weeks of holiday with my friends, including him.

Basically my life is just as cool as the summer breeze, nothing too depressing or too exciting before he came into my life. We were just someone who went to the same middle school and coincidently went to the same university. We never spoke before, we just said our hello. At first, I felt bad for him. He seems to be the kind of person who’s quiet and can’t really get along with anyone easily. So I thought, I should accompany him a little during those two events, because of the basis that we are from the same middle school, so I thought he could feel assured with me. So he did.

We never talk before, but everything changes when we went to Dufan. He showed me the other side of him, unexpectedly he gave me something I want all this time but never seem to think about wanting it badly.

He showed me that he cares for me; he held me like there’s no one around. He wanted to get to know me more. He wanted to take me to Trans Studio Bandung (because I never went there before); he asked me if I could keep his allowance so that he won’t spend it lavishly; he even asked me if I could meet his mother. He was like a prince in a white horse and shining armor.

I’m the type of person who is picky with any guys that tries to approach me. I always gave cold replies to them, but surprisingly not to him. Maybe it’s because the way he approaches me was different than anyone else, or maybe because I knew him, or maybe something else. He made me want to stop playing around with other guys and start to find something serious. He made me fell in love with him. He gave me something that no one has ever given to me: extra attention, the kind of attention that requires action and not just sweet words.

We shocked all of our friends. They thought that we had something way back before we went to Dufan. But little do they know, how can we be so close when I just started added his Line account in Dufan? They didn’t know that we never chatted before outside the community.

After Dufan, we got really close. He even went to Nangor to accompany me “Perwalian”. He made a surprise for me during my birthday. He sent me a cartoon drawing of us sitting and looking at the birthday cake right after he said goodbye and jumped out of my friend’s fences at 12 A.M.. Later that day in the afternoon, he unexpectedly went to my dorm and stand outside my door with cupcakes and candles.

He was sweet at first. He would go to me straight away when I told him it’s too late for me to go home by myself. He occasionally asked me to go out and have dinner with him and we would chat during dinner. Usually I’d be just sitting there and listen to what he would say. But one day, he asked me something that made me think 24/7; he asked me to take turns on telling our days. I think he felt like it’s always him that talks. His words made me think. Maybe he was right, I was caught up in the idea that it was okay for me to just listen to him and agrees to everything he had said. I was wrong.

After he said that to me, I was determined to tell him about what I had felt when I am with him, about how I wanted to start to talk about him with my parents, and started little by little tells him about my secrets. But back then I didn’t know that that was the last time I would go out and have dinner with him.

After that day, I felt like he was different. He never asked my day anymore, he never asked me to go out with him anymore, and he replied my text really late without even explaining why. I felt angry because of that, so one day I thought about giving him his medicine. But it only back fires me.

I thought that if I give him the same thing he gave me, he would reflect and made up with me. But I was so wrong. It gave him the opportunity to actually leave me for good. When I left him hanging with just reading his message, he didn’t look for me for days. I felt betrayed. I was supposed to be the one that is mad, but why does this person thought that it was okay for him to not contact me at all? He made me furious and sad at the same time. There is not a single day I wouldn’t feel blue and think about what I had done wrong to make him do this. I thought that I could hide it very well from other people, but I was also wrong.

All of my friends started to notice that I became different. They asked me what was wrong, and that is when I started to break down. I told them what happened, and they were as confused as I am. Ultimately, I asked two of my friends to help me out and asked him what he was up to. Why he left me hanging. And so they did.

I finally had the courage to ask him why. So he explained, but I felt even sadder when he had explained to me what his reason was. He told me he was sorry that he could no longer be with me. He felt that he was not ready to go even further with me; on top of that his recent ex-girlfriend of one year came back to him. He said that he doesn’t want to be with anyone at the moment.

I asked for an explanation and I got one. But I was till not satisfied with his explanation, I still hope for a better ending. I was hoping that we could go back to the way things were, just like in Dufan. But I’ve realized that you cannot always get what you want. So with that, the story of me and Hayden ended.

For days, weeks, months, I felt hurt; like a piece of me had crushed, a piece of me was missing. I cried myself out every night; didn’t feel like eating or even talking with anyone. I felt like I could no longer trust any guy. That is when I felt like the need to build a strong wall surrounding my heart, so that I could no longer get hurt over heartbreak.

The wall.

For me, this wall I had built is a barrier between me and any guy that tries to come close to my heart. Before I met Hayden, I also had that wall, but not as strong as this wall I built right after he said he can no longer be with me. I immediately built those walls and kept my distance, starting with him. I hide my true feelings, I tried to be okay by building those walls, but even I cannot lie to myself. At that time I felt numb, I don’t want to know what the feeling of being loved by someone anymore is. I don’t want to take any guy seriously; I wanted to go back to being the player I used to be, teasing guys without thinking of going further.

But even though I have said that our story ended; even though I’ve said that I had built a wall especially form him, for months I still hope that maybe there could still be “us”. Even though I knew he lied about not wanting to be with anyone right now, I saw that eventually he went back to his ex. Never do I have realized until that moment that I was just another girl that temporarily filled his empty broken heart. I never thought of our relationship thoroughly. Then I had promised myself, for every guy that ever tried to approach me, I won’t take it seriously. So I did kept my promise, for quite a few months, that is until Al came into my life and stirred me up.

He was one of my friends, the kind of friend that always teased each other. So never in my life I had ever felt the need to take him seriously; and the side of him that is so friendly with every one and even girls made me not wanting to think anything other than “just friends”. But like I said, he stirred me up; giving me mixed emotions, he had given me something that I think that no other normal “friends” gave to me: which was his extra time and attention, and it was something I never asked him for.

You see, he studied economics, which is in Dipatiukur; and I am in Jatinangor. But the thing is, he occasionally asked me to come and hang out with him in Bandung; but then I just replied him with a “no too lazy”. Why should I go to Bandung just to meet him? We’re not that close, and like I said before; I had built a wall so that any guy can’t come closer to my heart. I think he grew tired of waiting for me to say yes, so occasionally he went to Nangor and asked me to accompany him doing something, and so it’ll looked like he did not come to Nangor just for me. Eventually my close friend said that it was all just an excuse, he intentionally asked for something to do in Nangor from his “Hima” so that he could see me. So instead of me going to Bandung, it was always him going to Nangor. Until one day I felt bad for always saying no, but I still felt like I don’t know what were his attentions were back then.

You see. In my book, if a guy and a girl are close for more than just friends, but are not dating, they should contact each other daily. However, Al treated me like I’m his girl one day and his homey the next. He’ll be texting me like I’m only his friend. He didn’t text me daily, but he only texted me when he felt like he wanted to chat with me. But when we meet up, he treated me like I’m his girlfriend. He holds my hand, gets mad if I’m in my phone and not looking at him; cranky if I declined his offer to take me back to my dorm; jealous if I’m talking about other guys. The thing is, every time I had “accompanied” him in Nangor, he wouldn’t text me for days and suddenly texted me like nothing had happened.

The kind of feeling that he gave me, those mixed up feelings made my mind confused on figuring out what were his attentions were and it actually made me missed having him around. So with that I tried to break those walls of mine little by little. One day, he asked me again to come to Bandung, and I finally agreed.

It’s finally the day that I had agreed to go to Bandung to. I felt nervous because it was the first time I went to Bandung all by myself and not because I wanted to, because I was going to meet a guy.

I AM GOING TO BANDUNG JUST FOR A GUY THAT I’M NOT EVEN SURE OF!!

We decided that I should left Nangor at 12.00 p.m., but I felt like I shouldn’t be leaving before he asked me again if I’m already on the way or not. So he finally texted me at 1.30 p.m. and then I left. We didn’t text when I was on the bus, but I texted him when I was already near Dipatiukur. But he didn’t reply my texts, he didn’t answer all of my calls, and I started to feel upset.

Even when I had arrived in Dipatiukur he didn’t reply my texts or even answer all of my calls. For two hours I waited for him, TWO FREAKING HOURS. I got very upset so I went to PVJ all by myself. There’s a lot of traffic jams because it was Sunday, and it made me think about all of my decisions. Why did I agreed to go to Bandung? What if he was fooling me around? What if he was with another girl right now?

And so I arrived at PVJ two hours later. I’ve looked around for quite a while and finally at 7 p.m,. Al texted me saying that he overslept. Even though he finally bomb chatted me for like 100 times saying he’s sorry and asking me where I was, I still felt very upset. He didn’t know how much courage for me to go to Bandung for him and he overslept?

So after 200 chats and a gazillion missed calls, I sent him a picture of where I was without telling him where I was, and few moments later he arrived in PVJ. He finally found me in H&M and hugged me from the back. I was shock and shy because everyone stared at us, so I tried to pull out of the hug and after a few minutes I finally broke free. He apologizes for overslept, but I kept my silence and just raised my eyebrow. He apologized again and again but I didn’t answer him. Even when we ate, I kept laughing at something on my phone; even when we arrived at my dorm, I stormed off went inside my dorm.

For days, I didn’t text him and so did he. I think he got frustrated so the next week he went to Nangor to find me in my friend’s dorm and apologizes one more time. He told me he can’t sleep all night long, he can’t think, he can’t study all because of we didn’t made up. He didn’t want to lose me, and he said something that calmed me down; he knew my past with Hayden and assured me that he is not Hayden; he won’t go away without any notice, he won’t have any other girl, he will always have time for me. I was happy to hear that. So when he asked for us to make up and for me to be his, I finally said okay. My walls started to crumble brick by brick, and for the first time in a while I can finally say that I am happy.

Word Count: 2.492

Flash Fiction: Porcelain Daisy

Kinanti Fitri Febriani/ 180410150013

“Hey. Daisy…is good enough, right? Your name.”

“Ha?! That’s too girly, change it…”

“Nope, Daisy is also guy name, you know. As for me, it’s Lily.”

“Lily?”

“Yeah…”

That’s the only thing I want, knowing her name. I called her countless time, that it should be annoying by now. But, she lets me.

I love her. I love my new master. She accept all of me for who I am, a mere doll. For only a couple of days she gave me many new experiences and emotions.

In the morning, as always she went straight to campus but she didn’t ignored me. I feel weird inside, it’s a feeling I never experienced before. I’m happy beyond compare. Then suddenly, there’s a knock on the door. I knew it’s not Lily. I opened the door without thinking. There stood the guy that once bothering Lily and called me ‘Monster’. He is lowering his head, hands behind his back, saying that he wanted to apologize.

I asked him to talk inside the house and when I turned my back. My vision went black. I should have knew, that guy was holding something behind his back. I got hit by it…still, why can’t I feel pain.

*

It sounds like there’s someone crying from afar. Ah…that’s Lily’s voice. Why is she crying? I wish I could wipe away those tears, but my body won’t listen. My hands…won’t move. I guess, this is probably because the way I looked right now is so horrible that you’re crying.

Will my soul disappear? Her voice sound farther away. If I knew that things would turn out like this, I would held you more tightly, expresses my love more, I wish to see you one last time. And…I should have called your name so many more time. Lily…

*

I could hear noises. My vision slowly went back. I didn’t recognize this room. I remembered being hit by that guy. Did Lily threw me out….

“Daisy?”

I startled. I knew that voice. She slowly touch my hand and she started crying. Unconsciously, tears fell to my cheeks. That’s new…

I see her already changed. I don’t understand why did she saved me. Why did she spent her 10 years to fix me. And she waited for 5 years till I regained my soul.

“Silly…do you even have to ask”

*

There was a doll that only needed his master’s love to develop a soul. But, because he was so different, he was feared by the people around him and became really lonely.

Then one day, he met someone who would accept all of him for who he was, a master who gave him many new experiences and emotions.

After many trial, the two discovered their mutual love for one another and swore to stay together forever.

Many long years passed, the master’s life was finally nearing to its end…and then, the doll remained by her side. When his master’s finally passed away, the doll never moved again.

Word count: 500 words