180410120135/G
Summary: A story about a man who undergoes his final assignment in order to join a secret organization.
FADE IN:
EXT. EMPTY GROUND – DAY
MS LOW ANGLE VILLAIN#1 gets up and charges at POTENTIAL, holding him and pushing him to a stone.
MCU OVER Villain#1’s shoulder, showing him punches Potential three times.
Cut to
SCREEN BLACK
POTENTIAL
(VO)
Potential.
FADE IN:
EXT. SIDEWALK – NIGHT (SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER)
LS The street is crowded.
MCU TRACKING FOLLOWING Potential walks on sidewalk.
POTENTIAL
(VO)
That’s what they call me now. It’s a term for men or women being recruited by the Companions, a secret organization specialized in assassination.
MS Potential stops near a man, he knows as the COURIER, who is observing paintings.
COURIER
What took you so long? I almost steal one of those so-called arts to kill my boredom.
POTENTIAL
What’s my next assignment?
COURIER
(smirking)
Straight to the point. That’s what I like from you. C’mon, walk with me. Walls have ears.
MS Potential and Courier walks together on the sidewalk.
COURIER
Your next assignment is a little bit tricky. You’re not allowed to use gun.
POTENTIAL
Why?
COURIER
It’s a test. Don’t ask. You will have to retrieve a confidential package stolen from me.
POTENTIAL
Who stole it?
COURIER
Just some assholes. I left it in my car for a while, and when I returned… Pooff! It’s gone.
POTENTIAL
How do you know THESE assholes stole your package?
MS Courier stops his pace and looks straight to Potential eyes.
COURIER
Man, I have ears and eyes everywhere.
MS Courier takes an envelope out from his bag.
CU he hands it to Potential.
BACK TO MS Courier and Potential is talking.
COURIER
That’s the details for this mission. Remember, this is your final test. Don’t ruin your chance.
POTENTIAL
I won’t
COURIER
Good. Break a leg, man!
MS Courier leaves Potential. Just after a couple steps, he returns to potential and tells something to Potential.
COURIER
Oh, one more thing. Make them regret stealing from me.
MS Courier steps away from Potential. Potential turns his body around.
MCU TRACKING FOLLOWING him FROM THE RIGHT SIDE walks to the opposite direction.
Cut to
EXT. EMPTY GROUND – DAY
LS PAN LEFT UNTIL SHOWS Potential is killing GUARD#1.
MCU OVER Potential’s shoulder, following him walks toward Villain#1 and VILLAIN#2.
MS Villain#2 puts the package on the stone.
LS Potential and the villains are walking to the middle of the empty ground.
MS Potential is taunting at the villains. Villains#1 starts to flies his punch, but Potential can easily dodge it.
LS Villain#1 continues his attack, followed by Villain #2 who successfully kicks Potential.
MS Potential falls to the ground and gets up immediately.
LS The villains run toward Potential and punch him together, forcing Potential to fall again.
Potential gets up and counters their attacks.
MS Villain#1 flies his strong punches, yet Potential is still able to dodge it.
Potential manages to hold Villain#1’s arm, then starts to punch his stomach, when suddenly Villain#2 launches his flying kick to Potential, making Potential falls on the round.
Villain#2 directly tries to attack Potential.
Potential is able to dodge this attack and pull Villain#2’s leg, making him falls down.
Villain#1 grabs Potential. Villain#2 gets up and starts to torture Potential. Somehow, Potential manages to break free.
LS Villain#2 runs toward Potential.
MS Potential grabs and throws him away.
Suddenly, Villain#1 strongly pushes Potential to the ground and then holds him still.
Seeing this opportunity, Villain#2 kicks Potential’s head.
Villain#1 releases Potential.
MS Potential gets up tremblingly and gets himself ready for the incoming attack performed by Villain#1.
He manages to counter every single Villain#1’s attack and can finally hold his body.
Villain#2 runs to him and tries to attack him, but he immediately kicks Villain#2 away when he is already near.
After that, Potential punches Villain#1’s face strongly, knocking him out.
Potential walks toward Villain#2 who has just stood.
MS He starts to attack Villain#2 with no mercy.
Potential punches and kicks Villain#2 repeatedly until Villain#2 meets his doom.
MS Potential walks toward Villain#1 who has just gained his consciousness again.
Villain#1 starts to flies his attacks furiously.
However, Potential can grab him and throw him to the ground.
MS LOW ANGLE VILLAIN#1 gets up and charges at POTENTIAL, holding him and pushing him to a stone.
MCU OVER Villain#1’s shoulder, showing him punches Potential three times. Villain#1 launches his fourth punch when unexpectedly, Potential manages to hold it and kick Villain#1 away.
Potential stands up and starts to attack Villain#1. He punches Villain#1 again and again.
Finally, Potential kicks Villain#1 strongly, making him thrown to the ground.
Potential walks and stands above Villain#1.
MCU OVER Potential’s shoulder, showing Potential punches Villain#1 repeatedly, destroying his face.
Potential walks to the package and take it. He turns around.
Cut to
EXT. SIDEWALK – EVENING
MS Potential walks toward the meeting point.
Potential sits next to him.
Potential hands the package over to Courier.
MCU Courier opens the envelope and pulls out papers.
CU to the TITLE OF THE PAPER.
MS Potential stands and confronts Courier.
POTENTIAL
That’s a fucking script.
COURIER
(stares at Potential’s eyes)
Problem?
POTENTIAL
I did all of that, only for a fucking script!
COURIER
Look, what’s in the package is not important. The most important thing is, you manage to bring my package back to me. And you passed the test.
MS Courier puts the script back into the envelope. He takes another envelope out from his jacket and hands it to Potential.
Potential opens the envelope.
CU to the envelope. Potential puts out a roll of money.
COURIER
That’s for today. Patch yourself up. Buy yourself a drink, a nice suit, a girl. And ohh… There’s one more thing inside of that.
Potential takes a cell phone out from the envelope.
COURIER
I’ll contact you through that phone if I need anything. Farewell.
Potential leaves Courier.
MCU FROM THE LEFT FACE of Courier.
COURIER
(smiling)
That’s what I do for my last assignment.
CU Courier faces to the camera.
COURIER
What about you?
FADE OUT.
THE END
Thank you Adnan M Ilham, Ali Ridho, and Ismail Anugrah for being my actors and helping me finishing my final assignment. (You guys rock! I can’t wait to make another video with you)
Thank you, Nadira Dhaifina, for proofreading my work and lending me your tripod.
Thank you, M Fadila Pratama and Muhammad Bahmaniar for giving comments and corrections to my raw edit.
Thank you Film Riot for teaching me how to make films. (You just got one new subscriber)
Thank you Kevin MacLeod for providing free royalty music that I can use in my video.
Special thanks to Intan Nur Zamzam, Ghea Melati, and Ismail Kamal for lending me DSLRs and microphone. (Really, without these equipments, I can’t make my dramatization)
References:
– Bekmambetov, Timur. (2008). Wanted. United States: Universal Pictures.
– The Companions guild in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. 2011. Bethesda Softworks.
– Greek Life Terms. United States: Marquette University. (http://www.marquette.edu/osd/greek/greeklifeterms.shtml)
Word Count: (1000)
Dramatization link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4CLSc_dLo0
Scribere Jatinangor 
I’m terribly sorry for the messy post. I don’t know what to do. I have edited it in my email, but still, it is useless. Also, for the dramatization, I will send the link right after my video has been uploaded. My internet connection is very slow. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience.
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I fixed the spacing for you; it cost you minus 5 blog points. :)
Please post your link on the Additional Tidbits Post, and not on your post comment. I’ll add it to your post later. Thank you.
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Anjing edan. Jagoan euy maneh. Resep uing. Aing teu bisa basa Inggris, jadi nyunda weh. Hade maneh.
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Wah, nuhun coppershirt810, urang seneng manehna resep. Urang ge nyunda we lah.
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180410120133/G
Brilliant. That was the first thing that came to my mind after I watched your dramatization. I know that you have not taken any movie making classes or such, and you learnt how to do so only by watching a tutorial on youtube? Man, you’ve got a very good insting of angles. The choreography of the fighting is brilliant, seriously, and your good angle-choosing makes the fighting scene much cooler, reminds me of The Raid. And also I love the ending, what a good pun (I take that as a pun). What I think is need to be improved is only the editing skill, and the lighting (and I know that you don’t have much money nor time to be that forward, right?) But for a first-timer like you, It’s a very fine and worth to watch short movie. Make some, man! I’ll be the first to watch.
(148 words)
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Thank you for commenting on my post :)
You’re indeed right over there, mate. We did not have any money and time to build or even buy a lighting set. Frankly, we did not pay for anything in the making of this short film (except to buy drink and food, of course).
However, points noted! ;) Thank you very much. I will try to build a lighting set someday, soon (but I don’t know when hehe). Also, for the editing, I guess you are right again. It was my very first time to edit a video. In fact, that was also the very first time for me to use a video editing program. I had never learnt about it before, which made me difficult to edit my work. So, yeah… that was unprofessionally edited. Sorry for that one. I’ll try to learn more about video editing.
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180410120082/E
I believe what draws my (and perhaps other’s) attention the most is the action scenes in the dramatization work of your script. Yet, seeing your whole work from the aspect of the plot, I think there can be improvements to make the next time you produce an action film alike. When watching your film, I sense a slowly moving pace of plot in the sequence of fighting between Potential and Villain #1 and #2. It seems somehow the fighting scenes are prolonged, yet superfluously (it doesn’t mean that the actors do the scenes bad; they do it professionally great). Moreover, the ending makes the Potential’s struggle risking his life fighting two thugs futile, making the ending feels emptier than I expected. I guess you should choose more carefully which one should be prolonged or which one should not because it affects much to the development of your plot’s story.
Word count: 149
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Ah, yes, the choreography of the fighting scene is still disorganized. Sorry. Quite bluntly, we made the choreography on the spot and we just let the stream took us anywhere. Perhaps, if I had made the choreography the night before, the prolonged impression would not be there.
Moreover, for the ending, I, actually, planned it to be that way. I wanted to make an impression that all what Potential did in order to get the package, leads to a disappointment, making his struggle, like you said, futile. I wanted the viewer to feel that way, to feel like “What? He killed all of those thugs only for a mere script? What a jerk!” but I guess I did not present it very well. I’ll improve it on my next project. Thank you for your advice :)
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180410120141/G
It is the first time I watched an action movie in a short duration. The story of this short movie is very interesting and your movie has an unpredictable ending. When I am watching your dramatization, I do not suspect that the movie script is inside the package. Thus, my favorite scene is the ending. I really like the way you put an end to this short movie. But, there are some aspects that you should improve. Your movie will be better if you put additional lighting in the scene that is taken at the night. That can make your camera easily to focus to the object and all of the objects will be seen clearly. And in the fighting scene the scream of the fighting is not loud enough. It will be look better if the audio from the video and the sound effect are balanced. Good job, Dim!
(150 words)
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You’re right! We did not have any lighting set that time. Thus, makes this movie dark, really dark that you can almost see a black scene, when it should be a scene of two men walking. I’ll try to build a lighting set, someday. And for the audio, I really could not make it any better. The noise background when they screamed and grunted is very high. When I try to up the volume, the noise background is very annoying. So, I decided to reduce the volume in order to avoid the unexpected noise. I’m sure there is another way to fix this problem without lowering the scream and grunt voice, but I still do not figure it out yet. I’ll learn more about sound editing. Thank you for your advice :)
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180410120013 / A
Wow. This is great. I don’t get bored with such a lengthy fight scenes but it would be better if you could take more close-ups of the actors while they are fighting to make it even better and less slow moving. Because there is a moment when the actors seem “waiting” for the next movement and I almost lost my excitement. It is good to make long fight scenes as long as it is not about making it slow-paced and repeating the same movement over and over again. But overall, I love your work. We may be far from perfect, but I think this is a good start for you. Keep up the good work!
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Wow, such a good catch over there. You caught us! We made the fighting choreography on the spot and immediately shoot it afterward, since we have to hurry as the day was getting dark. We never trained the choreography before. So, when you see that the actors seem like “waiting”, they actually tried to remember what they should do next. I am really sorry for that. Also, we did not have any time back there to shoot more close-up scenes for the reason that the day was getting dark and we did not have lighting set to shoot at night. Thank you for your comment :)
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180410120145/G
Actually, I do not really like an action film, but when I see this work, I do not why I like your work. It does not make me bored with the movements. In my opinion, the story is simple, but you can make it into a very interesting story. I like the sound effects and camera angles in this short film. They are really fit, for example the sound when the main actor twists the opponent’s head. In addition, the back sound of the film is also really fit with the genre of this film. It generates suspenseful effect for the audience. However, in my opinion, the actors’ voices when they are talking at Braga are not very clear because they are mixed with the sound of vehicles and other sound effect. It might be better, if you could make the actors’ voices louder. Overall, I really love this work!
Word count: 150
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If you pay more attention, you will notice that the entire conversation sound between Potential and Courier were dubbed. It was unprofessionally dubbed, anyway, thus made it sound weird when I put it in my edit. It really sounded unnatural when the dubbing voice was put in my edit, so that I decided to turn down the volume and cover it with the traffic sound effect, in hope that it will blend and make it more natural. The result was pretty satisfying for me. However, like you said, it seems like I pushed the volume down too much, thus make the conversation sound are difficult to be heard.
Thank you for your comment :)
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180410120038
Kelas B
What takes my whole interest to this film is that the background music that you chosen. You appropriately put the background music in each scene. In a scene which takes place at the sidewalk, for the example. That constant and static single note which being used as background music in this scene successfully creates a cold and dark atmosphere which is really perfect to blend in with the gimmick and dialogue between the two characters. It is only ONE-single note that is used as the BGM. Well done!
I can’t say anything else to the fighting scene in this movie, it is just impeccably perfect. Yet, the fighting scene is too quiet, I think. It could be better if you add some groans and curses like ‘huaaaa!’, ‘wachao!’, ‘fuck!’, ‘shit!’, or something elses, when the characters hit each other.
(139 Words)
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I mean: “…that you chose.”
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Then all the credit for the background music should go to Mike Shinoda and Kevin MacLeod. The background music I use when Potential meets Courier at the sidewalk is Trapped by Mike Shinoda. He is a great musician. I like his works, especially when he is in Fort Minor.
I also agree with you that the fighting scene is too quiet. The actors, somehow, rarely let their voice out when they fight (I don’t know why, maybe they were nervous). So, I tried to dub the screaming and grunting voices, but when I put it in my video, it sounded really bad and unnatural. It was nightmare. Therefore, I decided not to put any more additional voice in the fighting scene and let the original screaming and grunting voice of the actors take its role.
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180410110128 / C
Honestly I like this work. The story is simple, but the dramatization is awesome. The camera movement and angle is variety make the fighting scene more interesting and not boring. The fighting scene itself is quite impressive because the choreography is not repetitive. And the best part which make me like this work is the sound effect. When the character’s punch hit or miss, the SFX blend well with the fighting scene.
In other hand, I have a problem to read your script. There is no difference between the dialog, scene, and etcetera. Well, maybe it happened because the format in Ms Word cannot be transferred to e-mail.
Also there is a typo in the dramatization video. In early part there is word ‘stong language’ instead of ‘strong language’.
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Yes, I tried to post my work with the actual script format, but it, somehow, just did not work in here. I can send my script with actual format in pdf if you want to. Just let me know if you want it and I will gladly send it to you. Oh, also in order to help you reading the script in this post, the dialogue part is marked with the caps-locked character name above it. So, every time a dialogue happened, there will be a caps-locked character name before the dialogue occurred. For angle and scene guide, it is also marked with caps-lock (e.g: CU or EXT.SIDEWALK-NIGHT).
Ah yes, I noticed the typo when I already uploaded my video to YouTube. And since it took me like hundreds years to upload it, I decided not to fix it. Sorry for that one.
Thank you for your comment :)
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sure I loved to. you can send it to my email: agungprasetiarso@gmail.com
Thank you so much
the problem in this post, is usually when I read film script, when someone have a dialogue, the name character will be placed in center, so that it can make difference between scene and dialogue
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Sent to your email. It’s my pleasure :)
Yeah, you can say that again. I, actually, have already sent it with the format that you mentioned, but, somehow, it didn’t work in this site. My posting become messy. I don’t know why. I hope the script that I sent to your email can satisfy you. Can you please share what you think about the script later if you have already read it? ;)
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Sure I’ll give my comment after I read it. Maybe I’ll sent my comment here
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Yeah, sure. I’ll be glad to read your comment here :)
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I have read your script, and yeah the format is easier to read. I quite surprised that the fighting scene only take 1 page (and halg more or less)
If I am not mistake, each page on script represent one minute. So if the fighting scene taken (just say, 3 minute) just divide the fighting scene into three page.
Overall, your script really good and the dramatization is awesome. Too bad that the script cannot transfered correctly in this post blog ;_;
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You’re indeed very right that one page in a script should represent approximately one minute in the video, but I guess I failed to make it that way. Truth be told, for me, I have no significant difficulty when applying this rule to the sequence where some dialogues occurred, but when it comes to the sequence that only has action in it (in this case, the fighting sequence), it is really difficult for me. It’s frustrating. I don’t know what I should write in the script when there is only fighting in the sequence. Should I write all the details of the movement, or should I just write the key movement? I don’t know. I’ve read “Kill Bill” and “Saving Private Ryan” scripts as references, but still I don’t understand how to put actions into words. Yeah, I know, I’m slow in understanding new things haha… I guess I still need to learn a lot about script writing ;)
Thank you for reading the script and giving great comment. I’m, also, glad that you have good opinion toward the dramatization :)
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180410120131/G
Well, I am thrilled by your short film. I didn’t read the script before so that at first I think Potential would be killed but he’s not. The story is unguessable, sir, and that’s great. Since there’s a fighting scene within your film, I think it is not easy to manage the camera movement but you use the camera very well, because I think if the cameraman of an action movie cannot manage to stabilize the camera movement, the audience would feel dizzy. The fighting scenes are perfect, the actors look professional but I also agree with Rizky that it seems somehow the fighting scenes are prolonged so that the ending feels emptier. All in all, you did a good job, Dim! Produce more movies!
word count: 125
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and subtitle needed I guess, in case of anything. Not everyone feels the urge to read the script.
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Ah, yes, it is a lesson for me to prepare choreography the night before the shooting. It was unprofessionally prepared, thus the fighting scene seemed to be prolonged. However, we actually did not intend to prolong it, but I guess we did not present it very well. Sorry for that one. Also, I don’t really think subtitle is necessarily needed. What is it used for, anyway? Moreover, my main viewers target for this film are those who take Creative Writing class, which, I assume, will automatically make them have to read my script without asking them if they watch my dramatization. But, thank you for your comment and advice, anyway :) I will consider putting subtitle on my next project.
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Good! Well preparation the night before the shooting is necessary. Just in case if someone prefer reading the subtitle rather than the script, I bet you got viewers not only from this class :)
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Wait what? “if someone prefer reading the subtitle rather than the script,” honestly, I don’t get that line. Sorry. Is there any connection between subtitle and film script?
As far as I know, subtitle is the “captions displayed at the bottom of a movie or television screen that translate or transcribe the dialogue or narrative,” while film script is a written work that contains the movement, actions, expression, and dialogues of the characters. Do you want me to write down what the character is doing in a written text at the bottom of the film? I think that is unnecessary, right? But perhaps, you have another understanding about this issue. Please enlighten me as I am new in this kind of work. :)
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We’ve talked about this. I got nothing to explain anymore, good night!
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Ah yes. You have enlightened me with your cinematography class knowledge. I really really appreciate it! :D Now, I know that it is very crucial to put subtitle in a film.
Well, I have good news for you. Now, you can access our video with subtitle at the bottom of it by clicking the caption button and turn it on. Good night :)
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180410120140/G
Fabulous! That is what I can say for this film. This film reminds me about a famous film, The Raid.. Actually, there are two scenes that I really like. The first one is the beginning of fighting scenes. When Potential is breaking his enemy’s neck, the angle of the camera shoot the scene from behind of the main character. It gives more tension and makes me curious to see what will happen next. Moreover, the setting itself is blurry and dark because it was in the evening. The other one is the last scene, when Courier tries to communicate with the audience. In this case, I think that there is a change of point of view. From the beginning, the narrator does not give a chance to audience to have a voice, but, in the end, the narrator finally tries to give audience chances to have voices.
(147 words)
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I’m really sorry that you have to see the blurry and dark scene in my dramatization. It was unprofessionally shot and we did not have any lighting set that time. I will try to improve it in our next project. Thank you for commenting on my post :)
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180410120118 / A
To be honest, I could not understand your script so I decide to watch the dramatization. I think the dramatization deserves two thumbs up. The fight looks realistic, just like in the movies. Even though I hardly understand the plot, but the fight scene amazes me. The sound effect of the fight fixes perfectly and seems so real. The choreography of the fighting is awesome and the actors act like a real stuntman when they’re fighting. You also put fake blood in your movie and it makes the movie so much cooler. I think you did a great job, but it would be better if you use lighting and the dialogue is clarified, because I cannot hear the sound clearly. But overall, I love your work. Keep up the good work. (131)
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I’m really sorry the inconvenience. The script was unprofessionally written in script format. I am new in this type of format. Also, I am sorry for the dark video and the unclear voice in it. I did not have any lighting set that time. The sound of the conversation was also unprofessionally edited. I dubbed the conversation, but, somehow, it sounded unnatural when I put it in my video. Therefore, I decided to push the volume down and cover it with the traffic sound effect. However, I guess I pushed it too hard that makes it unclear. Thank you for your advice :)
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180410120076 / A
In my opinion, your dramatization is marvelous. I like the way that you pay attention to every little bit of detail, such as the fake blood, although it is unnecessary you decided just to add it to increase the film’s level of interest. The one thing that I dislike a bit is the fight scene. The scene is already good but it could be better if the actors or stuntmen put a bit more effort into it. Overall, the composition of this film is well developed in terms of camera shot, sound effect, plot, and many others. You, Sir, did a remarkable job. (103)
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Well, I don’t know if it is unnecessary to put blood into the fighting. It is because I think by putting blood in the movie will make the movie more interesting. Also, I guess it is pretty necessary, as it will show that the punches thrown are very hard that it is able to make the one who is punched bleeding. But, I guess everyone has their own preference, right? ;)
Thank you for your comment and advice. Glad you like the film :)
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I am amazed watching this short movie, particularly when you stated that the budget is zero because the result is beyond what a low-budget movie usually presents. The fighting scene is the main attraction here, supported by some additional good points like appropriate costume, sound effect, etc. it shows that you pay a serious attention in making this movie and it boosts your score in my opinion.
However, it would be better if the plot is built more dramatically. You can explore the background story of the protagonist, or the conflict; what happens if the protagonist didn’t do what have been told, what consequence he had to face, etc. closed by an ending that wraps the whole story. So, it’s like a complete package (opening-climax-ending).
The movie is really well-made though. The way the fighting scene is shot looks like it’s done by a pro. Good job!
(150 words)
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Actually, I wanted to reveal the background of the protagonist through some flashbacks, I wanted to reveal why he wanted to join the organization, but due to the word limit, I could only present the part that I think really need to be presented. I had to cut some dialogues, actions, and scenes due to the word limit given. However, I will try to make a more dramatic story in our upcoming video that is not limited with the word limit. I will surely use your advice in the making of dramatic story plot.
Thank you very much for your comment and advice :)
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180410120136 / G
I really enjoy your short film although honestly I do not really like that kind of action film. Your short film is not boring because I think you have a good preparation for the technique of the film. It has a clear plot, a match sound effect, suitable settings, and the fit costumes of the actors. Every movement of the fighting scene is composed well-done. I also like end of the film when Courier is smiling and saying “That’s what I do for my last assignment. What about you?”, because in my opinion, it is an unpredictable composing plot. I really appreciate your dramatization. Nice work, Dimas! (105 words)
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Quite frankly, I did not have a good preparation for the filming technique. I don’t have any experience in the making of short film. I mostly learn all the shooting technique, camera angle, and film editing from YouTube. You should really check Film Riot and Indie Mogul if you want to learn about film making. They are like film making class that you can get for free on the internet.
Also, for the last part, it was, actually, inspired by the ending of a movie called “Wanted” by Timur Bekmambetov. In the ending part of the movie, the protagonist does the same thing like Courier does. He sees straight to the camera and asks the viewer, “what the f*ck have you done lately?” I like this ending scene so much that I decide to adapt it for the ending of my dramatization.
Thank you very much for your comment, Dina :)
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Está tudo dito sobre sua excelência o «animal feroz». Sugestão, ilustrar o post com o dito «animal feroz», ainda que na figuração do sketch dos «gato feerodnto», sobre o rapazinho de Marvila.
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